And the scream came from the park
by LittleFeltFangs
Summary: Xander get's himself killed, but it's ok, really.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Let alone Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That's Joss's all the way.  
  
Author Note: As best I can work out, this is set around the beginning of an alternate S6, the difference is that neither Glory nor Dawn showed up in S5, I figure Glory reached the monks before Dawn was created. I think everyone else is accounted for :-).  
  
The scream came from the park. I'm really not that surprised; the park's a regular visit on all our patrols. Tonight's a bit different; no patrol, just me, walking home, alone.  
  
I'm running to the park; I wish Buffy were here, but I haven't ever been able to ignore someone who needs help. Xander Harris, wannabe knight in shining armour; it's got worse since I discovered how badly people in Sunnydale need knights. There are two people in the park, or one person and a vampire. A young, blonde woman and very large man in leather biker gear, guess which one's the vamp.  
  
I can't believe how cliché this is, but I've seen it a thousand times patrolling with Buffy, the man wearing leather bikers gear is clearly a vampire, the girl is about 20 years old, and probably has a boyfriend lying dead in the bushes. The vampire's too busy playing with his food to notice me as I sneak up behind him. Didn't your mum ever tell you not to play with your food? The girls staring straight at me, is she trying to get us both killed?  
  
I rush now, bringing the stake down in his back as fast as I can, it's barely pierced his coat before it hit's something hard, and stops. His hand is round my neck faster than I can react, his face inches from my own. I can see beneath his jacket now, he's wearing chain mail, chain mail! That's cheating in my book. It comes right up to his neck; guess it'd make decapitation pretty tricky too.  
  
I've managed to wrap my hands around the cross in my pocket; I press it into his face and get thrown to the ground for my trouble. I pick myself up as quickly as I can; I've managed to lose the cross in the process, the girls gotten away though, and it looks like he's noticed too.  
  
"You lost me my dinner"  
  
For the first time in my life I can't think of anything to say, what use is humour as a defence mechanism if it dries up on me now?  
  
"You'll pay for that"  
  
He's grabbed me again and I can't even call out as his teeth sink into my neck. He's saying something but I can't make it out. My mouth's open and something's flowing in, oh god, Willow, Buffy, I'm sorry.  
  
"Hey, wills? Have you seen Xander today?" "No, why?" "He didn't show up to geography this morning" "He's probably ill; I'll give him a call at lunch, see how he is."  
  
My first thought is that I should be dead, then I open my eyes and I figure I probably am. The sky is pure white; the ground is smooth and hard, like marble. When I turn my head I discover that the ground too is pure white. I get to my feet ok, I figure it should be harder without a horizon, but it seems easy enough. I'm wearing the same clothes as I was before my encounter with the vamp. I try to check out my surroundings, but everything is this same pure white, I'd say I was in heaven, but I'm just not that lucky.  
  
"Hey Giles. What's wrong? Why are you crying?"  
  
I don't know how long I've stood here. There's a slight breeze now and there seems to be some detail in the landscape; not much though, a shadow here and there, enough to give a sense of direction.  
  
I'm about to start walking when I spot a shape forming in the distance, like a figure walking out of mist. As soon as I can see the figure I know I don't want to be anywhere near it. The green skin and horns mark it out as demon; but it's the yellow eyes that I recognise, eyes I've stared into a hundred times as I've dusted vampires; and it's these eyes that tell me where I am and what's going to happen to me.  
  
So I do the only sensible thing, I run like hell. It doesn't do me much good, the demon's on me in seconds. I twist and land a punch on its face, it seems surprised and I manage to kick it off me. I don't have time to think, I push my advantage, hitting it in the face again and again. It finally lands a punch and I'm knocked to the ground. I'm back on my feet in seconds but it's holding off, it seems uncertain, I'm guessing it didn't expect me to put up a fight.  
  
We stand off for a while, neither willing to make a move, I'm surprised, no vampire I've fought has ever acted like this; I expected the demon to be more vicious, not less. The demons scared, it's definitely scared, I can't have hurt it badly and it's much stronger than me, so why is it scared? I think my questions been answered. I wish it hadn't. There's a noise on the wind, one I recognise and it's definitely scaring the demon, it's scaring me. You see, the high pitched laughing is the sound of a hyena.  
  
"Do you think he'll rise?" "I hope not wills, I don't care if I am the slayer; I don't think I could stake him. I mean its Xander." "I just wish Giles could find an orb of Thessla, at least then we might get him back..." "I know, and he was trying all day, but..."  
  
So the hyenas here, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, it was too much to hope it was completely gone, right? What does this mean? The demons scared, that's good, this might even be why I'm still here, I can use this, I know it. How do I use this? The demons looking at me, he's going to attack, it's now or never. I breathe in and suddenly the hyenas in me, I'm strong and I'm hitting the demon viciously, but it's not like last time, I'm in control, he's submitting to me. I've pinned the demon down, I'm hitting him again and again, the details washing out of the world again and the demon seems less solid. Its daylight, I can tell, and I know what I have to do. I bend over the demon and dig my blunt teeth into his neck.  
  
"Come on will, wake up, its morning, he didn't rise"  
  
I can hear the tears in Buffy's voice; I can hear the muffled sobbing from Willow; even through six feet of soil I can hear the pain I've caused my two best friends. I'm glad. Not that I've caused them pain, far from it, I'm glad that I can still care. I think of killing Buffy and I feel tears in my eyes; I think of turning Willow and I feel sick. Unfortunately I think of drinking blood and my stomach rumbles, that's going to take some getting used to. I've also got to lie in this box until the sun goes down. It's a good job I don't have to breathe. 


	2. Dead Lucky

It's been a few hours since I woke up. I think it's about noon; I seem to just be able to tell where the sun is, despite being six foot under. The blood lust is really starting to get to me; when I get out of here the first stop is definitely willies; then a mirror. I wonder what it will be like to look in a mirror and not see me. How will I shave? Do I need to shave? I can't answer anything until I get out of here; it's lucky I've never suffered claustrophobia; there's still a fair amount of panic creeping in, I just need to lie here and not think about the coffin, or blood.  
  
It's probably about 4 now; I've been wondering about the demon for the last few hours. It doesn't feel like I've got a demon inhabiting me; Angel always gave the impression that it was difficult to keep in check; but then again I haven't exactly experience much to enrage it. I've tried vamping out, it works, my face goes bumpy and I've got the growl, but I still can't feel the demon. It's strange, to say the least.  
  
I guess I'll probably have to go talk to Angel; dead boy might be annoying but he's the only one who's experience anything like this. I guess I can't really call him dead boy anymore; what with my condition.  
  
So what do I say to Buffy and Willow? I can't go to them until I know what's going on with me. What would I say? Hey guys, I'm a vampire, but I've got a soul, promise. I just need to get out of here; I can work out the rest later. I think the sun's starting to go down.  
  
Ok, digging your way out of your own grave is not fun, even with vampire strength. I can really understand why these guys are so moody when they first rise. I do my best to tidy up my grave, I don't want anybody to realise I'm missing just yet, it's not easy though, all the dirt's collapsing into the now broken coffin, I really don't think anybody's going to be fooled.  
  
My first stop is Willie's, nobody will be too surprised to see me there and I need to ask some questions. I get there early, the sun's down but it's still light out, the light is really itchy on my skin and once again I understand vampires a little better. I talk to Willie for a bit, find out what has happened while I've been buried. I'm surprised to discover that there was a party here the other night, turns out that I've worried the demon community a lot in recent years. The vampire that turned me was guest of honour, I've got to say this does my ego a world of good, and I find out where the vampire's crypt is and leave for the bathroom.  
  
I often wonder how many of Willie's clientele actually need these facilities; I'm only going in because I want to see my lack of reflection. This is a bit of a shock actually, I've seen the effects of a vampire and mirror, it's like they're not there, you just see the room behind them. Not me it seems, I'm see-through. Yup, like I'm looking in a shop window or something, there's just a hint of me, and through me, the rest of the room. I have no idea why this would happen, but then again I have no idea why I don't want to go kill people, I just seem to be different from regular vamps. I take the opportunity to see my vamp face, it's much as I expected, long canines, bumpy face, but there are a few differences, my ears are pointy and my other teeth are also pointed, I suspect that's the hyena again. It seems that I owe that possession a lot, it gave my soul the strength to fight a demon and win. I still wonder why though, I'm going to have to find someone who knows about this stuff. Now that's weird, my eyes are brown, just like they've always been, human. Wow.  
  
As I was leaving Willie asked me what I was going to do, it's a question that I've been asking myself since I woke up in the coffin, I'm not willing to be around my friends until I know I won't hurt them. I tell Willie that I'm leaving town, that I'm not stupid enough to make trouble with the slayer. I don't want to let on about my condition, the last thing I need is a bunch of demons deciding to finish the job the last vamp started. The question is where do I go now? Surprisingly, my biggest difficulty is deciding which of the people I know would be best, even ruling out Giles, Buffy, and Willow I still know a surprising amount of people who could help. I don't want to go to Angel just yet, I may be in the same boat as him now but I'm just not ready to go crawling to Buffy's ex. The alternative isn't much better though. Before I leave town I've got a few things to do though. I go to the ATM and empty my bank account, I happen to know I haven't got a will, and there's no way my parent's are getting their hands on my savings. I pick up my jeep and I pay a little visit to a certain crypt.  
  
I said it before, cliché, this vamps gone for one of the largest crypts in Sunnydale's oldest cemetery, he can't have been in town too long; we check these crypts every few weeks, very few vamps are stupid enough to use them anymore. To add insult to injury he's tracked down the woman from the night of my death, she's obviously been beaten and has probably been here since yesterday. She's on the floor in front of him while he's going on and on about what he's going to do to her, it's really kind of pathetic, you wonder what he was in life that he's trying so hard to make up for. Personally I think he was a used car salesman.  
  
I do a quick scan of the crypt and see a large sword over in the corner, I can probably get to it without being seen, and I do. I walk up behind him and try to decide what to say, but decide I'd just prefer him dead, so I swing and watch him turn to ash, never even knowing I was there. I don't think the woman's even noticed he's stopped his yammering. Unfortunately I can hear voices from outside, in about five minute a blond and a red head are going to hear this woman's sob's and come running in here. I've decided that I'm not going to see them until I know it's safe, but I've left enough clue's around Sunnydale that their going to realise I've risen. I move closer to the woman and try to get her attention.  
  
"Hey, it's ok." I raise her head a bit "do you remember me?" she nod's slightly as I continue "some girls are going to come and help you in a minute, would you mind telling them what happened, and that I'm ok, and that I'll call them soon?" she nod's slightly again and I leave. The hero routine kinda gives me the urge to go get a long flowing leather coat, but that reminds me of Angel and I think better of it. 


	3. On the road

I don't drive for too long, I've not really driven this way before and I don't want to get caught by the rising sun. I stop at a motel about three hours before dawn; I could probably go further but choose not to. As I'm paying the clerk I try to place what I find so off about him, he's not been especially rude, there's nothing physically strange about him, in fact that's it, he shouldn't look so human, he doesn't smell like one. It's good in a way, my need for blood is getting to me and I'm not going to be able to get to a butchers anytime soon, I place some more cash on the counter and ask if he could get me some 'liquid refreshment'. He looks doubtfully at the cash, I know it's not enough to get human, I'm hoping I'll just appear cheap.  
  
"You'll only get pig's for that" he spit's out contemptuously. "It'll have to do" I reply as non-committal as I can manage. He disappears into a back room and returns with my key and a brown paper bag, I take both and head out to my room, as I go I wonder how just how many motels are demon run. I want to be disgusted by what's in the bag but the smell wafting out is just making my stomach rumble again. I get to my room and turn the TV on, there's no microwave or stove so I drink my 'dinner' cold, it's pretty gross but I think that's just because it's not been heated, much as I would like to think otherwise. Afterwards I lie on the bed and plan for tomorrow; I start to drift off just as I feel the sun coming up.  
  
I wake up a few hours before sunset, my first thoughts are of Buffy and Willow. I wonder how they're coping, by now they know that I'm a vampire. I wish I knew what was happening, what they're thinking. I roll over and stare at the phone, in some ways it would be so easy to call them. But to call them is to admit I still have a life with them, and I'm not sure I could cope to find out that it's not true.  
  
Things have been too easy so far. I wake up a vampire, only my demon seems to be missing. I've had no urges to kill and slaughter, even when my hunger seemed to be consuming me the idea of feeding from a human was repulsive. I'm terrified that if I go to my friends my hellmouth luck will return and I'll wake up to find that I've drained them. I've nearly destroyed my friendships so many times over the years that I didn't trust myself before the change, but now, I just don't know whether I could risk it. I stare at the phone for what must be over an hour, its dusk by the time I make my decision. I think I knew my decision from the start, but I always was slow. No matter what I do, how could I leave them not knowing what's going on?  
  
I lean over slowly, taking the handset and dialling the familiar number. I wait for what seems an age before someone finally answers, I can tell from her voice she's been crying. "Willow?" I hold my breath, despite not needing it, waiting for an answer. "Willow?" I try again. "X-xander?" She's in tears and it's my fault. "It's me." "How, how do I know it's really you?" Her voice is squeaking, I wish I could take her pain away, I hate it that I seem to cause her so much sorrow. "Hey, it'd take more than a pesky vampire to take me away from you, you know that" "But it did, your not here, where are you" "I just need to make sure I won't hurt you, I'm going to see some people, I'll be going to LA in a few days, if Angel doesn't stake me I promise I'll see you soon." "You could never hurt me" She's crying again and it feels like someone is squeezing my heart. I tell her that I have to go, with some persuasion she let's me off the phone. I promise to call her again from LA and then she's gone. I lie on my back for a few moments before preparing to leave, I have someone I need to see, and if I leave now I can get there before dawn. 


	4. Inner road trip

I park outside the gates of the old manor house. The place is currently owned by a group of monks from some ancient order. They don't have a phone, so I couldn't let them know I was coming before hand. I just hope they have somewhere I can wait out the day. I start the walk up to the house. The path is quite long and the walk is making me nauseas. The land surrounding the house is obviously holy, and I suspect if I pick up some dirt it'll burn straight through my hand.  
  
The door has a large brass knocker, the noise from which echoes around the grounds. There certainly won't be anyone sleeping anymore. After about 3 minutes wait the door is opened by someone in a monk's habit. I can't see their face as it's hidden within the large hood. I inform him who I'm here to see and he walks off, leaving the door slightly ajar, but without saying a word to me. I don't know if that is enough of an invitation to enter and I slowly press my hand against the invisible barrier at the threshold of the door. I'm a little worried, they seem to know a bit about vampires, they could very well know enough to stake me before I get a chance to explain myself.  
  
I start to look around for any signs of danger when I'm greeted from behind. "Xander" "Hey Oz, I could use some help, can I come in?" He looks at me as he moves outside and closes the door. "Guess you know a bit about why I'm here then." "Could say that" He indicates a direction and I start to walk.  
  
I remember how surprised I had been when I received that first letter from Oz, it had been about a month after he had come back for Willow, and had left for the final time. I guess once he gave up on ever being able to really be part of her life he just needed to know she was ok. I guess I wrote back because I understood that need to know, because I felt guilty for being a part of what broke them apart, and in part because I missed Oz. He was the first male friend I had had since Jesse and I had enjoyed the company.  
  
So I had started writing back to him, even finding myself comfortable enough to tell him how Willows relation with Tara progressed. I even told him about my discomfort with Tara. I've never really figured out why I feel that though, but she makes Willow happy and as Oz reminded me, that should be enough for both of us. I've even been able to forgive him his part in Willows unhappiness where I haven't been able to forgive my own.  
  
"So what's with the vampyness?" His comment jars me back to reality. "How did you know?" "One of my teachers told me I would need to give aid to a demon from my past" He pauses briefly, looking thoughtful. "I thought he was being metaphorical." "Oh" I don't really know what to say, so I tell him everything, the night in the park, my experience between death and waking, everything until I arrived here. He doesn't say a word as I speak, but it's something you get used to with Oz. I'm surprised how conversational he's already been. Suddenly Oz stops and I turn around, there's a twinkle of amusement in his eyes and I turn again to see what he's looking at. "You've got to be kidding me" The sides of his mouth twitch up; it's probably the closest I've seen him to outright laughter. I look again at the object of his amusement. "I guess it'll have to do." I sigh as I make my way towards the mausoleum.  
  
I guess it's about midday when I wake, the floor of the mausoleum is hard and at first I can barely move. I imagine it would also be unbearable cold were I still mortal, but I've noticed that the cold doesn't seem to affect me much anymore. It's another few hours before Oz arrives, he enters slowly, and I guess he's trying to see if I'm asleep. Seeing me in the far corner he nods and makes his way over to me. He sits opposite me and we sit in silence for a moment, when he does speak it's in a very sombre tone.  
  
"My teacher thinks I should stake you." "Ever think he might be right?" Oz looks at me with amusement. "With comments like that?" He starts to get up, "let's get you convinced you're safe so you can get back home." And with that he starts to describe a meditation he was taught shortly after he first left, it basically lets you talk to all the various bits of yourself as if they were different people. He says it's meant to help you understand yourself better. We laugh as he describes the shock of having Devon, lead singer of the dingoes, representing his libido. Then its all business as he starts to lay out some crystals, shows me where to sit, and tells me what to visualise, I hear him chanting as all my senses seem to rush into me.  
  
I've been here once before, the endless stretching white, the lack of any detail, a surge of fear rushes through me as I remember the demon, striding towards me with bloodlust in its eyes. I turn round to check that its not here with me and come face to face with my father. He's drunk, not that I can remember a time when he hasn't been. He's shouting at me, telling me I'm a failure, all things that I'm used to hearing from him. He punches me in the chin. I don't fight back, because I've never fought back. I face worse things than him every night, hell I'm a vampire, I am one of those things. But to face up to him? I don't know if I can do it. He's telling me my future now, how one day I'll snap, killing someone and forcing my best friend to kill me. I know its true, I can feel the demon bubbling up, my game face is on and I know I'm going to kill him. I can't control it.  
  
My worst fear. This is my worst fear. I focus on that thought. On the fear I've felt since before my dad appeared. I'm scared of losing control. I'm scared of becoming my father. A mantra Willow taught me when I was nine pops into my head. I have nothing to fear but fear itself. I look at my dad, my personification of fear and think, what do I have to be afraid of?  
  
As my dad fades away, a hand is placed on my shoulder. "Well done, Xander, I'm proud of you." I turn round to face the man speaking to me; I already know who it is, and the intellect he symbolises to me. As I face Giles he speaks again, "you've got a good brain in your head, it really is a shame you don't use it more." I smile at his half compliment as he gestures that I have someone else to meet. I turn again to face the young blonde in front of me as she pulls me into a hug. "You can be your own hero now, you hear me" she smiles at me as she fades away.  
  
I look around for someone else. I'm not surprised to see Willow standing waiting for me. My best friend since as long as I can remember, I have know doubt that she's here as my friendships. As I get close to her she pulls be into an embrace and then kisses me lightly on the lips, ok maybe she symbolises a little more than friendship, I wait for her to speak but I'm surprised by what she says. "Your not here to see me, you're here to see him" She points down to her side where a very large hyena sits next to her. I jump back in surprise while she fusses over the hyena like it was a Collie or a Labrador. She looks at me a little disappointed and speaks again. "What else would a pack animal bond to but your sense of loyalty to your friends?" She reaches her hand for mine and brings it down to pat the hyena. It might look like a cross between a dog, lion, and road kill; but it does seem to behave just like a regular dog. It's sitting there panting and getting excited over the attention it's getting. Just as I start to relax about the idea of petting a wild animal the scene fades again, I stand up and look around for my next encounter.  
  
I nearly jump out of my skin when I see the demon that tried to inhabit my body kneeling in front of me like a knight before their king. I get into a fighting stance but he just remains there, I have to remind myself that this isn't real, that I'm really back in some dank mausoleum surrounded by pink crystals.  
  
"Uh hi?" The demon makes eye contact with me but remains silent. "Um, could you tell me what's going on here?" "You have summoned me" His voice is identical to mine, it's very creepy. "I meant more like, what happened, why am I like I am, rather than just a plain vampire?" "You defeated me. You took everything that I was into yourself" "Wait, was? You mean you're not an are?" Even I don't know what I'm asking. "I ceased to be when you defeated me. Now I'm nothing but a part of you." As I try to digest that little snippet of information, the world starts to fade out and I can feel the hard floor or the mausoleum again. I have a lot to think about.  
  
I sit and talk to Oz for hours, ok I mostly talk, but he talks much more than I remember. I wonder if that was his thing, to keep people out, much like my humour is. I'm glad we've moved on from those times. To such an extent that I can tell him my whole experience without feeling weird. Even the part where I realise that maybe I still see Willow as more than a friend, ok, a lot more. I see the hurt in his eyes though, while he smiles and tells me I'd have to be both blind and stupid not too. He's right of course, and thinking back it's obvious I just tried to forget in order to deal with her relationship with Oz, and later Tara. Of course I remind myself how happy Tara makes Willow and I guess I know what bothered me about Tara now. I make a mental note to be nicer to Tara when I get back to Sunnydale, or if I get back.  
  
Oz brings me back to the present when he mentions that the monks have a large selection of vampire and demon books, I ask if I can look through them and he beckons me to follow him. As I stand at the doors to the building I can see a few of the monks staring out at me, if looks could kill I'd be ash right now.  
  
"Maybe I shouldn't, I don't think they're too pleased I'm here." "Xander" He looks at me with a slight smile on his lips, "come in." I can hear the muttering from all around me as Oz leads me through the building. I can tell that he's going to hear a lot about this when I'm gone. Finally we enter a room which has almost as many demonology books as Giles used to have at the library. Me and Oz grab likely looking books and settle down to find out something about what happened to me. It's actually nice to be researching something without a looming end of the world pushing me forward. It seems so normal that I have to remind myself that I'm researching my own demonic nature, not some demon that Buffy will go kill before we head to the bronze. I can almost imagine Buffy and Giles are training behind me, Willows over on the computer while Cordy whittles some stakes, and all the while complaining about having to hang out with social outcasts such as us. But again it's just me and Oz, and soon I'll be on my way to LA and it will just be me again.  
  
"Got anything?" I'm asking just to break up the monotony now, they have a huge collection, maybe bigger than Giles's, I'm just flicking through books now in the hope something will just catch my eye. "Got a warlock that tried to imbue himself with the essence of a vampire." "What happened?" "Slayer, oh and here we have info on the demon who started the whole thing" my mind glazes over for a moment as I've heard Giles tell this story a few times, guess Oz managed to miss it. "Oh, wow" did I say that out loud? "What you got?" I look down at the page and start to read it out to Oz.  
  
"...and the demon had taken our favourite daughter and we were lost, but  
the man had allowed entrance to the demon, and was equally guilty. For  
the sake of our clans lost daughter the man and demon were bound to  
each other for eternity, the demon denied the carnage it so desired,  
the man to suffer an eternity knowing what he had allowed to happen  
through him. For no smaller penance can be paid for taking the beloved  
of our clan."  
  
"Sound like anyone we know?" I could hardly believe what I was holding, Oz looked on impassively, and I couldn't even begin to guess what he was thinking. 


	5. City of Angel

I leave about midnight, I'm only a few hours drive from LA and I shouldn't have much difficulty finding somewhere to stay during the day. I can try and find Angel that following night. My plan gets a little bit derailed by a collision between a lorry and something so badly mangled I couldn't identify it. I was stuck in traffic for a few hours and find myself racing against the sun. I wish I'd had the foresight to get a car with a roof, and blacked out windows. What I'd give for spike's De Soto right now. The suns rising as I pull into the city limits, as soon as I see a sewer access I pull the jeep over and dive in. My skin smoking badly, but at least it's not burning. I gaze around the sewer, trying to remember which way I was heading when I dived down here. Great, I'd be badly lost on the surface, now I get to wander LA's sewer system for the day.  
  
I eventually find a way into a building with payphones, I've already spent half the day walking around the sewers and people are definitely keeping their distance from me. I dig through my wallet and find the Angel Investigations card that Cordelia gave me the last time I visited LA, I let the phone ring for a while before hanging up, but there clearly isn't anyone in. I try Cordy's home number, but get a similar response. I start to head back to the sewer access, but I've come up with an idea to delay getting back into my sewer groove for a few minutes. I head back the phones and dial a familiar number, this time it rings three times before getting answered.  
  
"Hello, Summer's residence." I wince as I hear the voice, maybe this wasn't my best plan ever. "Um, hi Ms Summers, err, is Buffy around?" "Xander?" Her voice carries a tone of malice, not that I'm surprised after what she went through with Angelus. "Uhm" I'm really not sure what to say, "did Buffy say anything about my condition?" "I was at your funeral; I doubt there's much to add." I wince at her tone of voice, Joyce Summers has done more for me than either of my natural parents put together, and I really don't like causing her pain, anymore than I want to cause Buffy, Willow, or Giles pain. "Ms Summers, you don't have to tell Buffy I called, but if you do, can you tell her that I'll never hurt her, I'll never give her a reason to regret my death." I can hear her tone soften at my words, and what she says next makes my heart break. "Xander, I know my daughter, and there will never be a day she does not regret failing to protect you." Silent tears make their way down my cheeks as she continues. I try to let her know that Buffy never failed me, not once in all the time I've known her, that without her I would never have had the strength to face my demons, both real and personal. But my throat is tight and I can't get any words out. "I'll let her know you called, I hope your ok Xander." A last thought strays through my mind. "Joyce, what was the service like?"  
  
I spent an hour after dark searching around for the address on Cordy's business card. Then I ended up running into an alley after hearing a struggle. Now I have a corpse at my feet and Angel is bearing down on me with death in his eyes, who says death has to be the end of my bad luck string, nope for Xander Harris it's just the beginning! I put my hand up to indicate for him to halt. At least he does that, but it doesn't stop him mouthing off at me. Dammit! I know I disturbed whatever did this when I came into the alley. I didn't see it but I know it's still here, I can smell it. And if Angel would shut up for a second I could probably hear it.  
  
The slightest hiss from above me is all I need to pinpoint it and I leap with all my strength, pushing off against the wall to get me extra height. I just manage to grab the things tail as it tries to escape up the wall. As gravity starts to bring us back down I twist so that its body is between me and the ground. I marvel at the sheer control I have over my body since becoming a vampire. No tripping over my feet or knocking over glasses anymore, every action I take is perfectly controlled, much like my landing, which involves me crushing the ribcage of my opponent whilst rolling off him and to my feet. I take a look at the demon in question, a small green scaly thing which is already turning into grey mush. I brush off my shirt and look at Angel. "You were saying something?"  
  
"So how much do you know about what happened?" It's the only way I can think to start this conversation. He hasn't tried to stake me so he's at least keeping an open mind. "Well Cordelia and Wesley went to your funeral, I sent some flowers" My surprise obviously shows, although he mistakes the reason as he adds "it was during the day." I really hadn't expected Angel to show any real interest in my death at all, I don't really know what to do with the information. "Buffy phoned me a few days ago, she told me about you grave being disturbed and the girl you saved from a vampire, and she said that you spoke to Willow." I pause, remembering the incident; I talked to her for less than two minutes and left her in tears. It astonishes me that despite how much I care about her I still manage to hurt her, time and again.  
  
"I haven't told Cordelia about you." I look at his face and the meaning is clear. If he believes I'm controlled by a demon he'll stake me, and Cordelia will never need to know. It's the reason that I came to LA, it might have taken the Angelus incident, but Angel realised how dangerous he was to Buffy and left. I couldn't have found a harsher judge, but that's what I need, because if I survive the night then I can see Willow and Buffy again. I don't know whether I'll be able to stay, but I can see them.  
  
"I told Buffy that if you came to LA I'd take care of things." He really doesn't give me any credit; I can read between the lines as well as the next guy. I cut him off before he finds any other ways to hint at my possible staking tonight. "That's why I came here. I knew that you would do that for us." I emphasis the last word, making it clear that I do not want any harm to come to my friends because of me. That if I am capable of causing them harm then I don't want to remain any more than Angel would want me too. I catch the look in Angels eyes, respect, not something I ever expected to see.  
  
"Wesley has a spell; it's meant to show us exactly what's inside you." He looks at me again, I don't like this look, he's amused, and an amused Angel is not something I think I can deal with. "Come on dead boy." I cannot believe he called me that. He is so dust. I swear if it wasn't for Buffy I would stake him right here.  
  
"The spell is actually quite simple" Wesley was droning away, I'd actually forgotten just how annoying he is. Sure I remember him being extremely British. Actually I also remember my commenting on it earned me a long, long lecture on the difference between being British and English. I guess these things just fade with time. "I burn these herbs, chant a little, and then I will temporarily be granted a second sight, the ability to see what inhabits a person's body. I've already tried it out once, so I know what a regular vampire looks like, as well as Angel, so I should be able to say once and for all that your demon isn't going to suddenly take control." I can't help but smirk a bit, I want to know, once and for all, but from what I learnt while visiting Oz, I doubt he's going to see anything inhabiting my body, certainly not what he's expecting.  
  
"Out of interest, what is the difference between Angel and a regular vampire?" "Well with a vampire you see the demon that inhabits their body, while with Angel the demon appears to be contained in a sphere of energy inside his chest." "Wow, pretty creepy" He gets back to his inane chatter as he prepares the ingredients, the smoke from the burning herbs overpoweringly strong. After a short bought of coughing I just stopped breathing, it was just easier. As he starts the chant, I'm surprised to realise that it isn't Latin, although I couldn't work out if the hacking sound of the words was smoke induced or not. Eventually he walks over too me, I stand up self-consciously, while he stares at me with a confused expression.  
  
"That can't be right. I must have made a mistake." He looks over at Angel, now looking even more confused than before. "What do you see?" I'm desperate for him to just confirm what I already suspect. "Just a vampire" I see Angel reaching for his sword and quickly prompt Wesley. "Not the demon inside them?" "No, just you, with a vampires face." I can see Angel now shares Wesley's confused expression. I grin at them. "Want me to tell you why?"  
  
"So I defeated him, his consciousness departed, and my soul kind of absorbed his demonic essence as it where." I had started at the very beginning, and finally got to the end of my story. Both Angel and Wesley looked pretty surprised, Wesley sputtered for a bit and then went off and started leafing through his books, I guess you just can't give up being a watcher, no matter what the council might say.  
  
"So what do you want to do now?" Angel was looking at me intently. "Well if I've passed your evilness test then I thought I could let Cordy know that I'm not dead, at least not in a decomposing, not moving type way." As we were walking out the door I remembered something, and quickly made my way over to Wesley. Quietly I handed him a book that I had hidden in my coat. "I've bookmarked the important bits" I tell him, while opening to the first of them, a description of the curse which was to be placed on a certain vampire. "I need to know if this means what I think it does." Without another word I run to catch up with Angel.  
  
The drive over to Cordy's is quiet; I mean really quiet. Angel talks even less than Oz. It leaves me with very little to do but think. My mind wanders back to the book that I've given Wesley and the shock I felt when reading the folded sheet that I had found between two pages of the book. A note of apology by a young mage to the masters he felt he had betrayed. It seems that the girl Angelus fed on, the gypsy who doomed him to a soul, was the forgiving type. Not only that, but she had a beloved of her own, a young mage who felt that the decree of his elders went against what his beloved would have wanted. He argues that as mortals they had no right to decree eternity on anyone, and so he performed a curse of his own.  
  
Moments before his elders he cursed the vampire who had killed his beloved to know the pain of a soul until he could find true happiness, because while he felt his beloved would have forgiven the vampire, he could not, but he also could not force eternity on any soul. One act of kindness that has caused so much pain, one that has lead that clan to keep a vigil over Angel for over a hundred years, one that brought Jenny Calendar into our lives, and taken her away. But it means more. There are two curses, one we know about, it's the one that released Angelus upon us, but there's another, one that's for eternity, and we don't know which one Jenny found.  
  
We pulled up outside Cordy's apartment at about 11 o'clock and made our way up. Angel knocked on her door while I stayed down the hallway, I saw the door open and he went in, I don't know what he's going to say, just that I should wait five minutes before I knock. I stand there staring at my watch, as each second passes I get more and more tense. I have no idea what Cordelia will say, how she will react. I don't know what I can say to her, and I don't actually know how I'm going to react.  
  
Checking my watch again I walked over to her door and knock. The door opens and Cordy stands there open mouthed. What ever Angel told her I'm guessing it wasn't 'Xander's a vampire and he's about to show up at your door'. She looks over to Angel and back to me, I can almost see the wheels whirring in her brain.  
  
"Are you going to come in?" She asks it as a question, finding out what she's dealing with, Cordy always was smarter than people gave her credit for. "Not without an invite I'm not. But Wes gave me the evil test, I'm clean." I smile, trying to relieve the tension. It's not going to work. She's still sizing me up, trying to decide what to make of me. "How do I know he's not evil?" She's pointing at Angel. "Look at him" I point to Angel "He's brooding, Angelus never brooded, and if there's one thing you can say about the guy, he used to enjoy himself." I give her another grin and I almost get one in return, but she quickly conceals it. I see her grabbing a coat, bag, stake, and cross. "Do you want to go get some coffee?"  
  
She's just walking over the threshold when I see her pupils contract and the muscles in her head tense, I'm already starting to catch her when her legs buckle and she screams in pain. I don't know what's happening, so I just stand here holding my ex-girlfriend while she convulses against me. Eventually she pulls away, grabbing my hand she walks back into her apartment, pulling me across the threshold. Guess that works as an invitation. She sits down on the couch. Angels got her some aspirin and water, so I guess this happens a lot. He's sitting there now, waiting for something. Cordelia takes the aspirin and starts to describe what she saw in her 'vision'. Guess I'm not the only one who's changed.  
  
It's refreshing, being part of the good fight again. Even though I've only been gone from it for about a week. For a while I doubted that I could return to this life. Thanks to Cordy's vision I'm seeing that no matter how my reunion with my friends goes, I will always have purpose. I'm not sure when I started thinking of fighting the forces of darkness as a calling. I guess sometime during the whole mayor fiasco, I realised that I couldn't give up the fight anymore than Buffy could. It may not be a calling in the same way as it is for her. In many ways I've chosen this path, but in some way it has also chosen me. I couldn't leave now, not ever. So I find myself in a warehouse, fighting vampires. It's good to know I can make a real difference in a fight now. On many occasions Buffy has referred to me as her key guy, but I've known that when it comes to the fighting I'm more of a casualty waiting to happen. Hell look at me, I'm a casualty that DID happen.  
  
But now I feel the flow of the fight, I know where my body is and what it's doing. I can really see what my opponent is doing and I have the instincts to prevent it, to retaliate. So this is how it is, I duck under a blow aimed for my jaw, as the vampires arm sails over my head I stand up, grasping his arm in my hands and throwing him to his back, thrusting a wooden stake into his chest as he hits the ground. I look around me as I dodge the blows from two more vamps, Angel is holding his own, but Wesley looks like he's barely holding off the two vampires attacking him. As one of the attacking vamps lunges for me I let myself fall backwards, at the last moment I twist around and place my hands on the stone floor while my foot connects with the vamps chest, he lands six feet away, knocking both Wesley's attackers to the floor. I stake my other attacker as I hear the whoosh of an exploding vamp behind me, Wesley finishing of one of his. The remaining vampires are all despatched relatively easily. They were all fledglings, I recognise from knowledge deep inside me, the master vampire was not here.  
  
Wesley's looking through the books on one side of the warehouse. I can sense an increasing anxiety from him, and I'm not sure how I know, I think it's the vampire sense of smell, I'm still trying to get used to what it'll tell me. I sniff the air experimentally, there's something there, something I know from before. But I couldn't sense it then, I think, trying to place where I know this scent from. Willow, Giles, Amy, Jenny, even Ethan and Druscilla, all had this scent, all had magic. I speak aloud, realising just how bad this is.  
  
"Why are vampires using magic?" "What? How can you tell?" Wesley's spooked, I'm guessing those books he's looking at are spell books and I'm guessing they're not good spells. "The smell" Angel answers for me, he's looking around the warehouse, I can tell he's realised something important, so I ask. "What is it?" "I think I've heard about these vampires. There have been rumours about a Warlock vampire trying to build an army. I've not been able to find any trace of him though." "Great, so what does this guy want?" Why did I ask that? Anybody that's been paying the slightest attention to my life knows what the answer is. In the words of one of the most esteemed thinkers of our time: 'the same thing we do every night. Try to take over the world!' "I think they're going to try to open a portal to hell." Great one Wesley, already figure that out myself. "Ok, so how are they going to do that?" Simple question. If we can figure out how then we can stop them. Easy. I wish. "From what I can work out, I think they're planning to resurrect a demon by the name of Acathla."  
  
Once upon a time I would have paid good money to see the pained expression on Angels face. I have to give him credit though, he's done good, he's helped my friends, and he's helped me. Now I look at him and he's haunted, much more than before. I can't imagine what going through his head, the look on Buffy's face as she sent him to hell perhaps? I can see he's not going to be much help right now, and Wesley hasn't noticed, so I start to take charge.  
  
"What do they need to do that?" "Um, it looks like the usual herbs, powders, oh, a very rare type of enchanted orb, and part of the remains of Acathla." "Do you know where they'll perform the ritual?" I have my suspicions, I just need his confirmation. "It looks like it will be held, um, something to do with the blood of the worthy being spilt? I'm not sure, but I'm sure with some time." I cut him off, I know enough. "Ok, you and Angel track down these vampires, try to stop them before they can perform the ritual, I'll round up the cavalry so that we can be waiting for them." "But how do you" I cut him off again, I look to Angel and whisper. "Cordy will fill you in. Let Giles know if you find anything" I walk over to Angel; he raises his eyes to mine when I place my hand on his shoulder. After a few seconds I see him pushing down the guilt and he appears to be fine again. "You catch the vamps and I'll be in Sunnydale, just in-case." A look of understanding passes between us and then I'm off, I don't want to waste a second; it'll be a struggle to make it to Sunnydale before daybreak. 


	6. Back in town

I reach Sunnydale an hour after sunrise; I've got Cordy to thank for that. I got back to her flat to collect my jeep and say goodbye to find her waiting. She's bought me some stuff. I've got to say I was surprised. She tells me it's a thank you for the dress I paid for, then, almost too quietly for me to hear, she adds "and I don't want to lose you too." I figure she's referring to Doyle. I heard her talk about him a few times, I don't know what happened, but I suspect he was lost to the darkness, like so many that we've known over the years.  
  
The first gift is a real surprise, the bike leathers that I'm wearing now, not an inch of flesh exposed to the sun. Of course I looked like a real dumbass driving down to Sunnydale in my jeep with a helmet and leathers on, but it meant I could get here and check out some possible vamp haunts before tonight. The second gift was a little more obvious, but still amazing, it was a sword. I'm no expert but I'm guessing from the weight that it's made from some sort of modern alloy, but the real thing that stands out is the wood inlayed down the centre of the blade, a real vampire hunter's sword. So with a thank you and a hug I left LA and came here. I've already checked out the warehouse, no sign of the vampires or Acathla. I check out a few other locations, the masters cave, a few of the more popular crypts, and finally over to Willie's.  
  
As I walk into the demon bar I check out who's already here, it's still a few hours until sundown, so no vampires are here yet. There's a chaos demon over in the corner, a demon with sagging skin sits by the door, and a man hidden in the shadows who I believe is a bracken demon. I take my helmet of and nod to the demon by the door, I see him most nights that I come here, I think his names Clem. I walk over to the bar and wait for Willie, who is doing something below the counter. "What can I do for, oh, what brings you back so soon?" I lean on the counter. "I'd like some information and some pig's blood." I emphasise the last point, letting him know which side I'm here for. His eyes grow wide with terror, I don't know what he's thinking but this should be interesting.  
  
"We've got a few hours of sun left, so I may as well have the drink first." He scurries of to get my drink as I try to figure out why he's so scared of me. Willie returns with my drink and I sit there, staring at him, while I sip at it. Finally I ask my question. "I need to know all about the vampires from LA" His voice is squeaking as he answers me. "Their boss is getting into town tomorrow, and they're going to be doing something big at the old warehouse that night, that's all I know I swear." He gets through all that in one breath; I haven't even threatened him yet. I lean forward again, and with the friendliest smile I can muster ask. "So what's the buzz about me?"  
  
Apparently I'm a force of nature, a vengeful spirit that will bring the demon world to its knees. I'd love to know how these rumours get started. I could have really done with a rumour like this in high school, instead I had rumours about me and Larry, and those really didn't do my rep any good at all. I left a message on Buffy's phone asking her to meet me at Willows after dark. I made a point of letting her know she could bring weapons, I know she would anyway, but I don't want her to feel guilty about it. I've left my sword and leathers in the jeep. I want to look like me when I meet them, and things will be weird enough anyway, without looking like some demonic avenger. I stand at the top of her street for about half an hour, silently working up the nerve to walk to her house. By the time I've reached her door the sun has been down for an hour, after I've knocked it seems like another hour passes before the door is finally opened and I see my two best friends standing nervously on the other side. 


	7. Friends eternal

I have no idea what you say in these situations. Has this situation even happened before? I think Buffy is trying to think of something to break the ice, or maybe test if it's really me. To work out if it's safe to step over the boundary of the house.  
  
Willow is just staring at me. It's like she's looking into my soul. Our eyes lock for a second and she runs out of the house and into my arms. She's talking to me and I don't even hear her. I'm just so glad that my best friend since kinder garden still feels safe around me. We remain entangled for a few moments longer before she pulls back slightly and looks into my eyes, she smiles and says "Welcome home Xander" before kissing me lightly on the cheek.  
  
The moment reminds me of my vision quest a little too much and I step out of her embrace quickly. I can see Buffy peering at me now, like she's trying to work something out. I know that Buffy won't accept me as easily as Willow has and I find myself staring at my feet. As a result I don't see Buffy launch herself at me, I only barely remain on my feet, and as I regain my balance I find Buffy hanging from my neck, her feet a good foot from the ground. I stand there stunned for a second before returning her embrace. I know I have the biggest goofy grin plastered across my face, the two most important people in my life can accept me, and I really don't need anything else.  
  
"I missed you." She says it so quietly that I almost miss it. I never would have believed that Buffy could sound so small and scared. "I missed you too." And words cannot describe how much I've missed them. For a while I doubted whether I would see them again, and now I have them back I'm never leaving again. Slowly Buffy let's herself down and grabs my left hand while Willow grabs my right, they slowly lead me into the house as Willow invites me across the threshold.  
  
I sit on the couch opposite my two best friends. We're smiling, but not really talking, things are pretty awkward. Finally Buffy gets up the courage to speak. "So are you gonna show us?" "Show you what?" I ask with a grin on my face, I know exactly what she's asking. "You know, your grrr face." On the grrr she scrunches up her face and holds her hands up as little claws, I can't help but snicker, so she just scowls at me. "Ok, you win." I start to shift my face slowly. I was practicing this on the drive to LA, I've seen Spike shift into his game face much slower than regular vamps, and it just looks cool. I can feel my canines extending as my forehead starts to extend and my ears begin to point, the whole thing takes about ten seconds. They start to edge towards me, staring at my now demonesque face. Buffy gingerly touches my brow ridge while staring into my eyes.  
  
"Your eyes are brown." She states it as a fact, trying to get me to tell her without actually having to ask. "Yup" I'm about to go on when Willow, staring intently at my mouth, prods one of my fangs. "Hey. Wif..." My attempt at my best friends name is cut short as my fang sinks in to her thumb. She snatches her hand back as I sink into myself, much as my demonic visage sinks back into my skin.  
  
Well done Xander, two minutes inside and you've already drawn blood and managed to hurt Willow yet again. Why don't you go kill her goldfish now and be done with it?  
  
She's staring intently at me, like she's looking into my soul. She knows what I'm thinking and I find myself amazed that there's no recrimination in her face. I shouldn't be surprised; in all the years I've known her she has never once held an action of mine against me, at least not for long. She seems to come to a decision and kneels in front of me, holding her thumb towards me and pouting ever so slightly. Buffy's looking on in confusion and slight agitation as I realise what Willow wants me to do.  
  
I remember a day when we were about eight. Willow had come with me to the park. Willow fell off the swings. I ran over to her asking if she was alright. She just knelt there with tears forming in her eyes, ready to burst into tears. She didn't say anything, just held her grazed hand out, like I could somehow make it all better. I wanted so much to just make her smile again; even then I hated seeing my Willow cry. So I did something that I had seen so many parents do, even though neither of ours had ever shown enough interest to do it for us, I took her hand and kissed the graze. "Kiss it better" I repeated the phrase I had heard in the playground so many times before. And like magic the tears seemed to disappear, she sniffled a bit, and then smiled. It's been one of my enduring memories from childhood, it's the day I realised that making Willow smile was almost certainly the reason I existed.  
  
And now she's holding out her bloodied thumb, letting me know that even as a vampire she trusts me, with her safety, with her life, with her blood.  
  
I smile as I reach out and take her hand, ignoring the tingling where her hand touches mine, and kiss the drop of blood from her thumb. As soon as I've done that she launches herself into my arms, hugging me with all her strength. Having her so close to me is almost overpowering, I can feel her heart pounding against my chest, the scent from her hair fills my nose, and the taste of her in my mouth feels like it's scorching itself into my brain. I feel like every second I've ever spent with my best friend is being condensed into this moment. I scrunch my eyes closed at the assault on my senses. I can actually feel the blood flowing in her veins. Smell the faint scent of her skin underneath the vanilla deodorant she wears. I can feel the magic within her reaching out to the now supernatural parts of my very soul. And I continue to be assaulted by the flood of images, scents, and sounds from our shared history: Willow and me at the park, Willow with her Barbie, Willow trying on her prom dress, Willow in a coma, Willow with tears in her eyes holding a broken yellow crayon, and a thousand other images reminding me who my world revolves around.  
  
It takes me a few seconds to realise that she's pulled away from me. As my breath starts to slow down and my senses start to come back to normal I take in the appearance of my friends, who are once again looking at me with concern written on their faces. As I go to speak a thought strikes me, I can actually feel Willows blood joining with mine in my veins, I can't help but smile as I speak. "I didn't think we could get much closer." Indicating my teeth, I can tell Willow understands my meaning. "Come on, let's go see Giles." Buffy breaks me out of my thought, and I nod in agreement.  
  
People who see me on the street probably think I'm the luckiest guy on earth, and right now I'd have to agree with them. I'm walking along with a beautiful woman on each arm, my two best friends, the witch and the slayer. We're talking, laughing, and enjoying each others company. Both my friends cling to my arms as if they think I'm suddenly going to disappear from their life again. Anybody who saw us would probably assume that we had been out drinking at the bronze, that the girls were clinging to me for support, they certainly wouldn't realise that in about half an hour I'm going to be describing this weeks apocalypse that needs to be stopped. But for now I put that out of my mind and revel in the companionship of two of the greatest people in the world. Unfortunately I can't help but be distracted by the feel of Willows body pressed against my arm and have to keep reminding myself that she's seeing Tara, a girl that seems to make Willow happy, something that I'm all for. Which I've just realised is something that I don't think I've made clear; I've never really made much of an effort to be Tara's friend, and if she's dating my Willow then I really should have made more effort, something I promise myself to correct.  
  
I'm pulled from my thoughts by the sound and smell of a group of six vampires trying to surround us, while I can't see them yet I can tell that they've pretty much succeeded. I stop walking and mouth the word 'vampire' to Buffy and she nods in understanding as I squeeze her arm, indicating for her to wait. I turn round to face the vamp who I believe is the leader and slip into my game face.  
  
"These two are mine, get your own dinner." I state it simply, glaring at the vampire in front of me; at this distance I shouldn't look any different from any other vampire. "You can have the red head, but the other one's ours, you have no idea what you're getting into with her anyway." So they know Buffy's the slayer, they're actually doing this deliberately. I slip out of game face and walk towards the vampire.  
  
"You're not from LA by any chance?" The look of surprise on his face is all the answer I need, and I quickly slip a stake up through his stomach, into his heart. I don't wait for him to turn to dust as I jump the distance between me and the two nearest vamps, knocking them to the ground. I manage to stake one before he can get up, then turn to check on my friends. Buffy and Willow are dealing with the other three vampires, doesn't look like they need any help. I focus back on my remaining vampire too late and get a fist across my jaw. The next one, however, I catch in my left hand and twist round behind his back. I quickly bring my stake up to hover over his heart.  
  
"Bosses name." I say with a fair amount of menace. "Not gonna aaaaaaaaargh!" I've broken his wrist; I think he gets the message. "Bosses name." "Linus!" I have to stop myself from laughing at that, I've got images of a vampire with a security blanket. "When's he getting into town?" "Tonight." "Does he have acathla yet?" The look on his face tells me he doesn't know anything, so I stake him and turn to my friends. Buffy's just finished one vamp, but the last one is coming up behind her, I fling my stake catching him in the back. Without turning around Buffy just says. "I knew he was there you know." "Yeh but how often do I get the chance to save the slayer?" She turns round and just looks at me, I feel a bit guilty about my comment now, as I can tell she's thinking about that night in the masters cave and a half dozen other occasions. "Ok, maybe a few times." I walk over and put my arms round the shoulders of my friends as we continue on to the magic box.  
  
Willow and Buffy are trying to convince me its ok, but I'm having a hard time believing them. I'm standing outside the magic box and I've got an overwhelming sense of fear. I don't know how Giles is going to react and I'm surprised just how scared I am that he'll reject me. I don't think I ever realised how much I care about Giles's approval, for a long time I thought of him as the father that biology had denied me, and I guess a fair amount of that feeling has remained with me. The thing that finally gives me the courage to enter is my newly acquired demon senses, I can smell fear and anxiety, or I guess odours associated with them, pouring out of the door, someone in there is as anxious about this meeting as me. As I enter the shop I can see Giles standing behind the counter stirring some tea, there's no steam coming from the cup and I'd guess he's been stirring it for a while. He doesn't seem to have noticed us enter the shop.  
  
"Um, hi." My throat is embarrassingly tight as I talk. Giles turns around uncertainly; I see a smile cross his face, which quickly disappears. He then takes his glasses off, probably to polish them, but thinks better of it and puts them back on. Next he starts to walk towards me, but stops again. I figure considering the amount of support I've had from my friends during these encounters that it's about time I took some initiative. So I stride over to my long time mentor and embrace him. "It's good to see you again." He pats me on the back, obviously uncomfortable with the public display of affection. "Quite."  
  
I release him from my embrace and he immediately starts polishing his glasses. "I'm glad to see that you saw your death as something you could overcome. It's good to have you back." I can almost see a smile on his face now, but it's clearly competing with concern, and the concern seems to be winning. "I got a call from Cordelia, she says we can be expecting a particularly nasty vampire to be showing up soon." And so with those few words reunion time's over and I'm right back into fighting the forces of evil. I sit down at the research table and gesture for my friends to sit.  
  
"The vampires name is Linus" I stop while Willow giggles, probably having the same Snoopy thoughts I had, I try to scowl at her but it ends up turning into a grin as she looks at me with a smirk on her face. "He's able to use magic and from what Wesley's told me he'll be pretty powerful." "What does he want?" Willows question is laced with worry, as our resident witch she'll be worrying about whether she's up to this challenge. It always surprises me how little confidence she has in her abilities. I pause before answering her question, both to let them realise it's serious, but also to give me time to gauge their reactions.  
  
"He's going to raise Acathla." I'm surprised that Giles appears to be the most shocked, while both Buffy and Willow have gone quiet, the colour has drained from his face. "What do they need to do this?" His voice is a croak and I realise he's about to give us some very bad news. "Wesley thinks they need some rare orb and part of Acathla. What's the matter?" His face seems to fall even more, and I take a look around the magic box, noting for the first time several breakages. "They've already got them haven't they?" It's more of a statement than a question.  
  
"There was a break in last night. They took an orb of Thessla which I had managed to acquire for..." He breaks off, we all know why he had the orb, in case I returned and went on a crazed killing spree, everyone's eyes are averted from mine as he continues. "and I had part of Acathla placed in the floor over there." He indicates a large hole in the floor, which I had somehow failed to notice up till now. "Well on the up side, he's not in Sunnydale yet, and I know where the ritual is being held. So I suggest we all get some sleep and we can go prevent the apocalypse tomorrow." "That sounds like a good idea, Xander if you come with me I'll show you where you can sleep." Giles turns to face the girls as he continues "I suggest you two get home and get some sleep." As Giles is leading me out towards the training area a thought strays through my mind and I turn to face Buffy. "Hey, are you going to do a patrol before heading back?" "I was just planning to do a small one." "Ok, if you want to wait a sec I'll come with you." With that I let Giles show me through to the training room, part of it has been sectioned off with cubicle partitioning, inside there's a mattress and some chest of draws. "Of course it's just temporary." Giles is speaking behind me. "We'll figure something a bit more permanent later." I turn round to face him. "Thank you." There's nothing else I can really say. He gives me some keys for the magic box and I head out with Buffy. 


	8. Patrol

As I walk through the cemetery with Buffy I'm unusually quite, it's because I want to ask a question, and I'm not sure how I feel about the answer. "Buffy?" "Yes?" "Do you know what happened to Anya? After. I've tried calling her house a few times, but no one's there, and I haven't seen her around." Buffy's face has fallen; she obviously didn't want to tell me whatever it is.  
  
"Um, she kinda left town after your funeral." It looked like she was going to go on, but she stopped, so I'm guessing that bit is the bad part. "And?" She grins weakly as I prompt her for the rest of the story. "With Jonathon" I've got to admit my mind is pretty stumped at this. "Jonathon? When has she even met him?" If possible her face falls even further; I manage to figure it out myself and save Buffy from having to tell me. "Met him at my funeral huh?" She nods weakly. I grin reassuringly at her; I can't say I'm as devastated as I should be. I figured that I'd have to break up with Anya after what I've been feeling for Willow, even though I can't act on them it still wouldn't have been fair to her. So even though I'm mostly relieved I'm still a little peeved, and have memories of past girlfriends swimming through my head.  
  
"Am I really that easy to get over?" "I think you'd be really difficult to get over." I imagine my face must have been the very image of shock, I really didn't expect Buffy to ever say anything like that to me, and especially not with the hint of sadness that her words seemed to contain. Unfortunately I don't get a chance to question her as a group of three vampires begin to attack us.  
  
All three were fledglings, probably turned in the last three days, and they had no idea who they were attacking. Two of them run right into mine and Buffy's stakes. "Come on, it's no fun when you don't try." I smile at Buffy's whining from my left as we start to circle around the remaining vamp. He keeps his eyes firmly locked on mine, his body in a defensive posture, leaving Buffy behind him. "Seriously, it's her you should be worried about." The panic on his face is priceless as he spins round in time to see Buffy put a stake through his heart. She slightly overbalances as he turns to dust and I grab her before she falls. We end up in a classic romance movie pose, you know, the one where the girl stumbles, the guy catches her, then she looks up into his eyes, and then they kiss. So when she looks up into my eyes the quip leaves my mouth before I even realise how hurtful it could be.  
  
"Jeez Buffy, what is it with you and vampires?" As soon as it leaves my mouth I realise what a jackass I am. I look at Buffy, expecting her to be sad or angry, instead she's blushing. "Um, is there something you want to tell me?" She shakes her head vigorously. "You know you want to." My tone is teasing and she starts to blush a little more. "Its just, after you died, I heard some things about you, and I started to wonder, you know, what it might have been like, if I hadn't turned you down at spring fling." I've got to admit it's something I've thought about on lot's of occasions, it's probably because of this that I'm able to answer as quickly as I do. I know now that I'm not right for Buffy, or she's not right for me, either way I'm glad of the friendship we have now rather than something that could have been.  
  
"Do you want me to tell you?" I pause a second to make sure she's listening. "We would have started out having lots of fun. I'd have swept you off your feet." She grins at that. "We'd have missed out on some sadness. And then the pressure of our lives would have got to us. I'd have started doing stupid things, and eventually we wouldn't be able to look at each other anymore. I don't know about you but I couldn't cope not having you as a friend, and eventually that's what we'd do to each other." As I gaze at my friend of almost six years, I can see her eyes are glistening with tears as well as an emotion that I never thought I'd see from Buffy, respect. "Now come on, we've got three more cemeteries to do, and you haven't told me what you could possible have heard that so changed your view of me."  
  
"When you were buried, we stayed by your grave all night, in case you rose." "I know; I woke up just as the sun was rising." She looks at me before going on; I can't place the emotion that crosses her face. "Afterwards I wasn't ready to go home, couldn't face what happened." She pauses for a while before continuing. "I wandered for a bit, I ended up at Willy's. Did you know they had a party to celebrate your death?" There's a fair amount of wonder in her voice as I nod my affirmation. "W-when I walked in; Willy just came across to me and gave me a note telling me where to find the vampire that turned you. He just said that a scum like him didn't deserve to have taken you down." Tears are starting to run down Buffy's face, I walk her over to a nearby grave stone and sit her down, putting my arm around her shoulders in an attempt to comfort her. "I just sat at the bar; I couldn't face going anywhere else. Suddenly Willy's telling me about this time you saved him from a couple of demons that didn't want to pay their tab. And then a vampire comes up and starts talking about a time you beat him up rescuing one of his victims, and they all knew you, and every single one of them had a story where you were the hero. They told me about you rescuing Faith, about defeating a gang of zombies, about saving the school. One of them said he'd seen you stand up to Angelus."  
  
She's gazing at me with amazement now, and I don't really know where to look. I try to look away but she grabs my chin and turns my face to meet hers. "How can you do all these things and then tell me that I'm your hero? Xander Harris, you are definitely my hero." If I could blush as a vampire I'd definitely be looking like a beetroot about now. "Well maybe we can be each others." She's beginning to smile again and wiping away the last of her tears. "Yeh, I'd like that."  
  
We've patrolled most of the second cemetery without incident. So far it's been in comfortable silence. That is until Buffy starts to tell me a little more about the time I missed in Sunnydale. "I called him you know." "Who?" "Angel, after I found your grave was empty. He told me all about the hospital." "Oh." I'm not used to being noticed for my achievements, I'm starting to feel pretty uncomfortable about it. "He almost turned you. Did you know that?" "What?" I knew I'd been facing possible death, but I hadn't realised just how close. "He thought you'd make a great vampire, but he didn't think he'd be able to control you." "Wow, I'm not really sure what to make of that." "I asked him for advice, when I didn't know you had a soul, he said I should pray to whatever deity I believed in that he took you out with him. Those were his exact words. He didn't think he'd be able to stop you. He didn't think I'd be able to stop you." "Wow, the thought of me as a vamp brought fear to the scourge of Europe? That's actually pretty cool."  
  
We were pretty much finished with the last cemetery when we found a group of 5 large, red, and scaly demons performing some sort of ceremony. Things might have gone a bit more smoothly if we hadn't wandered right into the middle of their circle; next time less talking and more attention to detail. My only weapon was a stake, which in now firmly embedded in the chest of the demon currently pounding me. Did I mention that they're strong? Very strong, luckily three of them have continued with the ceremony, so Buffy and I only have to deal with one each. I've finally managed to duck underneath one of this thing's blows; it's smashed the stonework behind me to pieces.  
  
"Hey Buffy! Remind me to start training with you if I survive this." She's standing by her demon, it's slumped to the ground, a large branch protruding from its eye. "Your doing great." She pulls the branch out of the demon and throws it to me. "Here, catch." I catch it just as the demon smacks me across the temple, knocking me on my butt. It stops to laugh at me. I take the opportunity to stick the branch into its brain. "Not so funny now is it."  
  
I run over to Buffy, whose currently fighting the remaining three demons. One of them has her by the throat and I smack him across the side of the head so hard that a human's would probably have come off. Instead he let's go of Buffy and turns on me. For the next few minutes I get myself thrown around, flung through a good few head stones, before finally managing to get the creature in a headlock, jamming my fist up through his eye, before finally slumping to the ground. Buffy has already finished of the other two demons and is sitting on the ground watching me.  
  
"You couldn't have given me a hand?" "What! I had two remember?" I just lie back on the ground and stare at the sky. I'm far to exhausted to consider moving. It's not long before I feel a presence lie down beside me. "You do realise your arms covered in blue goo." "It seems to happen a surprising amount since I met you." I roll over to face my friend, I find she's already facing me, as we lie there she seems to studying me. Once again I find I don't really know what to make of it. Instead I voice a concern that's been bothering me since my visit with Oz.  
  
"What do you think of Tara?" "Is that why you rejected my advances? You got a crush on Willows girlfriend?" Her eyes are twinkling with mischief as she says this, and in reply I flick her with blue demon slime. "I've just been thinking that I don't know anything about her. Don't you think that's weird considering she's going out with my best friend? I just don't think I've made much effort to befriend her, and I think maybe I should have." Her look is downcast now, and when she speaks she has the tone of someone divulging information that they're not sure they should.  
  
"Well I haven't been either. I think they might be having some problems, they've been very tense the last week or so, and I've heard Willow raise her voice a few times." "The last week or so? You mean since I died." "Well that's when I noticed it. But now I think about it, I think it's been going on for a bit longer than that." I find my heart bleeding at the thought of my best friend in pain again. "Buffy?" "Hmmm?" "How do you feel about interfering in people's love lives?" Her face picks up at this. "Depends." "Ok, then you can go talk to Willow tomorrow and find out what's going on, I'll try and do the same with Tara." "Hey, I said depends." "Your mind was made up when I said interfere and you know it." I jump up before she can interrupt. "Come on, I think it's time we head home." "Hey!" 


	9. Training

The noise of movement in the main part of the shop drifts over me as I start to wake. My internal sense of the sun tells me it's about noon. I quickly put some clothes on before walking over to the door that separates the training room from the main shop. I open the door gingerly, ready to slam it closed if I feel my skin start to singe. The sun's rays are streaming through the window, but falling about halfway across the room, so I'm safe here in the doorway. I find myself watching the scene before me, Buffy and Giles talking by the counter, Tara and Willow organising stock. I think of Buffy's words from the night before as I watch Tara glancing her girlfriend, my heart goes out to her as I see the pain in her eyes. She starts to walk towards Willow and then stops, returning to her books. I promise myself that I'll fix this, not only for my best friend, but also for the girl who has willingly thrown herself into the Scooby lifestyle and hasn't received the same willingness to accept her.  
  
"Hey Xanman" I glance up at Buffy; I don't know how long she's been standing there. "Morning, hope I haven't delayed Gile's training schedule too much." "Not at all, I'm training with you today, remember?" I think my expression probably reveals that I hadn't. She glances towards Tara before continuing. "See you in there in a few minutes, ok?" "Ok." I reply as she heads into the back room. I look back to Tara and Willow as I make my way over.  
  
"Hey Wills." She turns and smiles at me, so full of warmth. I'm reminded of the time I was denied Willows smiles, right after the fluke, and I know I need to get those back for Tara. "I think Buffy wanted to speak to you." "Ok, see you latter." I watch her head off towards the back room, and then turn round to face Tara. "Hi." "Hi." She looks at me in surprise from a few seconds before returning to her work. I realise that I can't remember ever saying more than a few non- scooby related words to her. I'm going to have to try a lot harder if I'm going to make up for this. Try to put her at ease, make her laugh, it's something I should have no problem at, right?  
  
"You know when Willow first introduced you to us, and she said you were her friend?" I look to check she's listening, and then continue. "We had a big argument about you. You see I was asking her about you, I asked her if you had a boyfriend. She told me that I wasn't allowed to ask you out. I thought she was ashamed of me. We didn't talk for three days. Obviously I got over it when I eventually found out about you two" "I'm sorry, I.." I cut her off, I can't believe she's apologising for this. "No, you've got nothing to apologise for. I'm just telling you this because, well I realised that I never really made an effort to be your friend when I was alive, I'm just trying to find a way to change that."  
  
She's got a timid smile on her face, her smiles a lot like Willows, there's so much kindness sparkling in her eyes. I can tell that her relationship with Willow is still on her mind though. I reach out and gently touch her arm. "Hey, I know something's going on with you and Willow. I don't know what, but I want you to know that she really does love you. She's just working stuff out." She nod's slightly and I can see tears starting to form in her eyes. I don't really know her well enough, but I pull her into a hug; she doesn't resist and I hold her for a few moments before she pulls away. "Thank you." A pull my best grin. "Your welcome" I pass Willow on my way to the back room, she's looking more downcast than before, and only dimly grins at me as we pass.  
  
I've fought demons of ever size and shape, I've faced off against legendary vampires, I helped defeat a giant demon worm, and I've helped stave off more apocalypses than I care to remember, but I have never fought harder than I am right now.  
  
I duck underneath my attacker's leg, narrowly avoiding a kick to the head that would have sent me flying, and I don't even see the upper cut that lands me on my back. That last hit was so hard that I can't even focus, let alone move, my attacker is standing over me now, staring down at me as I feebly attempt to get up. After a while she extends her arm down to me, helping me back onto my feet.  
  
"Come on, your doing great; just try not to get knocked over so much." "That's great advice Buffy, just great, lot's of help." That earns me an evil stare. "Gile's is the teacher, you can train with him later, just try to go with your instincts." And with that she launches at me again. I'm definitely getting better; I managed to last a whole three minutes last time round. I've seen Buffy fight a lot too, while she's by no means putting everything she's got into the fight, she's not exactly going easy on me either. My train of thought is put on hold as one of her punches gets through, knocking me across the room, and I quickly roll, bringing myself back to my feet before she has time to throw another punch. I take the initiative this time, trying to sweep her legs from under her; she quickly jumps over my leg while trying to give me a kick to the head. While I manage to block that kick while standing up I also throw a punch to her stomach, which she grabs, once again throwing me to my back, I quickly roll before she can follow through.  
  
I'm on my feet in seconds, but she's already swinging at my head again, this time I manage to grasp her arm, twisting it behind her back, I'm about to mime sinking my teeth into her neck when the back of her head collides with my nose, causing me to stagger back. She quickly follows with a kick to the gut that sends me flying into the wall, as I lie on the floor, desperately trying to move, she straddles my chest, pining my arms above my head and holding the ball point pen we've been using as a stake just above my heart.  
  
"See, told you you're doing well, you almost got me that time." "Who say's I haven't." A look of confusion passes over her face; this is the only shot I'm going to have at this. I let my demonic nature come to the surface and feel the extra strength that seems to come with releasing it, then before she can act I flip us over, knocking the pen from her hand and bringing my mouth down to her throat, just enough for her to feel my teeth without drawing blood. I can hear her heart pounding and I let myself feel a twinge of pride for managing to surprise the slayer like that, then I raise my head from her throat and see her slightly flushed face and realise that there might be another reason for the pounding I can hear from her heart. I'm currently pinning her to the floor in such a way that the entire length of my body is pressed firmly against hers, her hands are pressed lightly against my chest, and if anybody saw us right now they would definitely get the wrong impression. Considering what Faith has said a few times about slayers, fighting, and, you know, and especially considering what Buffy herself told me just last night, I'm suddenly feeling very uncomfortable about the situation. In an attempt to lighten the mood I resort to tickling, which result in cries for mercy until she finally manages to throw me off her, then she turns toward me with vengeance in her eyes. "Oh you are so going to pay Xander Harris!"  
  
So this is going to be my first time saving the world since I died, should be fun. We're all walking down to the warehouse now. Buffy and Willow are walking quite a way ahead and are whispering, while I now I shouldn't, I can't help but listen in, especially since they're talking about me. "And he was, you know, on top of you?" "Yeh" "And you liked it?" "Yeh" "But, maybe he didn't notice, I mean, this is Xander. He didn't realise I liked him for like ten years." "But he's a vampire now, they can tell these things." "How?" "I don't know, some vampire sense, they've got really good sight, and smell..." I can't really help myself as I yell out "don't forget really, really good hearing!" they just freeze for a moment before walking on, silently this time. I find Tara's looking at me questioningly. "They were talking about me." "Oh." "Gossiping actually, you should talk to Willow, I'm sure she'd fill you in." "I don't, we haven't, I..." "It's ok; after we've averted the apocalypse do you want to talk about it? It's ok if you don't, I'll be at the magic box anyway." "..." I quickly squeeze her shoulder before drawing my sword, we're almost there now.  
  
It doesn't take long for us to dust the guards, mostly fledglings, that probably mean's that all the tough vampires are inside. A quick look through one of the windows confirms that they aren't ready to start the ceremony yet, while the circle has been drawn, the vampires are still being anointed. The plan is simple, as all our plans are, me and Buffy kill anything that moves while Giles, Tara, and Willow steal the orb of Thesla and the remains of Acathla. The size of the warehouse and the number of vampires limit's our choices about how to enter, in the end there is only one choice. All the vampires look up in surprise as me and Buffy burst through the doors and run straight at the vamps. It doesn't take long for us to be in the thick of things, and I quickly lose track of Buffy and the others as I focus all my attention on not getting killed.  
  
My first sword sweep decapitates two vampires, and I swing my sword underneath my arm, impaling a vampire who ran at me from behind, the wooden imprints on the blade causing him to dust immediately. Swinging my blade round to my left decapitates another vampire, while I duck under the swing of a fifth, a quick kick to the chest knocks him down so that I can concentrate on the two coming at me from either side, grabbing a stake from my pocket I impale both at the same time. Quickly beheading the one I knocked down earlier, I find myself vamp free. Buffy's still fighting about ten, but she doesn't seem to need any help, Giles and Willow have broken off to tackle three that attacked them, leaving Tara with the Orb and the Acathla piece.  
  
That's when I see the vampire striding up behind Tara, he's wearing a modern looking business suit and looks about the same age as me, but something about him just screams old. This is definitely the master vampire, Linus. I quickly throw my sword at him, hoping to finish this quickly, unfortunately he's got the same super quick reflexes that all these old vamps do, and grab's the blade from the air. I'm already running. I've got to get to him before he gets to Tara. The smoke coming of his hand where he's holding the blade of my sword suggests to me that Cordy's had a few charms placed on it, I'm definitely going to have to thank her for that. As I close in on this guy I dive to the floor, picking up my sword from where it had fallen. As I come to my feet I swing for his neck, and stop. I'm mid swing and I can't move. As he turns round to face me I try to call for help, but my immobility seems to extend to every part of me.  
  
"You know a human would be dead by now, their heart unable to able to pump, their lungs unable to inflate." I desperately want to kill this guy now. "But of course you're not human. But you're not a vampire either. Not really. A vampire doesn't defend humans. A vampire doesn't have a soul. So you're nothing, you're scum." Ok, I'd settle for Buffy killing him, or Giles. Right now I'd settle for anything where this guy is dust. "Let's see if we can't solve that." I feel weird, very, very strange. I should be scared, but I'm not. I'm, I'm, happy? Very, very happy. And getting happier. What is this freak doing to me? I'm feeling, what am I feeling? Bliss I think, well I can barely think. Bliss, that means something. Bliss, perfect happiness, this freak knows about Angels curse. He's trying to raise Acathla. He, he, he knows magic. And he's about 100 years old. Shit. I know who this freak is.  
  
...for he has done more damage than even the most foul creatures of the  
night. He has interfered with our most sacred practices. He has taken  
punishment of the murder of our beloved daughter into his own hands.  
He has shown himself to be unfit to be among our kind, so he will be  
thrown to the likes of which he allies himself. They shall decide his  
fate, for we will have nothing more to do with a creature that would  
so disrespect the memory of his betrothed, the daughter of our clan.  
  
I've got to focus. Willow has told me about magic many times, usually trying to get me to participate. It's all about energy, about focus, about direction. I dig down, tapping into those places in my mind that I will not normally venture, the parts of me which are demonic, the parts of me which are primal and animal, I take their power and release it, hoping to break whatever spell is keeping me immobile. I feel my feature change and a loud growl escapes my lips, while I still can't move, Linus' face now shows pain and concentration, I continue to struggle, doing everything I can to be free of this spell. From my left I can hear Tara muttering a spell; my growl obviously got her attention. Suddenly the spell breaks and I collapse to the floor, my limbs feel like Jello though, and I'm forced to watch Linus escape into the sewers as the last sounds of battle ring out around me.  
  
"Well he came from LA, he was trying to raise Acathla, and he tried to get rid of my soul with some sort of happiness spell, so I think it's a safe bet that this guy has some sort vendetta against Angel." I'm not sure why I don't tell them everything I know, but something makes me keep it to myself. "It's probably a good idea to keep Wesley updated, he might go back to LA now that the Acathla things bust." "Or he might extend his vendetta to us." Willow's not normally the one to bring the gloomy point up, but of course she's right. "Look, it's still a while till the sun comes up, why doesn't everyone go get some sleep, I'll phone Wesley and see if he's come up with anything." 


	10. Breakfast

My sleeps been pretty disturbed tonight, between the confrontation with Linus and my call to Wesley I've had a lot to think about. It turns out that magic is strongly tied to the soul of a magic user; vampires rarely have access to their host's magic. Even when they do, it takes time to develop, as fledglings they're unlikely to have any power. So the chances are that Linus has shown up now rather than earlier, simply because he was not powerful enough before. The question is what exactly is his problem with Angel? True, when he was alive he would have plenty of reason to hate Angelus, but why would he still feel that as a vampire? There were just too many unanswered questions. Like how your meant to fight someone who can stop you moving just by looking at you? Someone who with that same glance could stop the heart of any of my friends? So I've spent most of the night sitting, trying to work out how the hell we're meant to kill this guy.  
  
I've woken up three times to the image of one of my friends slowly going blue as their heart stops beating while I'm held frozen, watching on as they slowly die. So it takes me a few moments to realise that the crying I hear isn't some remnant of my dream, or my own strangled sobs from seeing another friend die, but someone else's. The sun has barely risen, so nobody would normally be in the magic box. I quickly put some clothes on before creeping out into the training area; the sobbing is coming from a darkened corner where even my vampiric vision can only barely make out Tara's form. I walk over and sit beside her, gently placing my arm on her shoulders and waiting for her sobbing to subside.  
  
"Thanks." "That's ok. What happened?" "Willow said she thinks we should stop seeing each other." The sobbing is back and I pull Tara tighter against me and stroke her hair, doing my best to figure out what's going on. "Did she say why?" She shakes her head, at the same time wiping her tears across my shirt. I'm about to speak when she starts to speak herself. "But I, I think it's b-because she likes s-someone else." "Shhh, I'm sure that's not true. Who else could she like enough to choose over you?" "You." She's looking me in the eyes now, and yes I admit it, it was a stupid thing to say. I know Willow loves me, but not like that, does she? It doesn't matter though; I've promised myself that I would help Tara. And it's the right thing to do, whatever Willow might be feeling I know in my heart that she loves Tara, and that they're meant to be together. "Look, whatever either of us might have thought at one time or another, me and Willow are destined to be friends, nothing more. You and Willow are meant to be together, I know it, I'm sure you know it, and deep down Willow knows it. She's just confused at the moment. But I promise we'll set things right. Ok?" She nod's shyly, rubbing her tears from her face. "Now why don't we go find some breakfast, I'm paying." And with that I put on my helmet and leathers and head for the door, Tara in tow.  
  
We step into the dinner, which I've chosen because of its westward facing windows, and I know things are going to be awkward, I can't see him yet, but from the strength of his scent he's still here. I consider just turning around and leaving, but judging from Tara's face she's already spotted him. I follow her gaze over to the corner of the dinner, he's sitting there, breakfast not yet touched, his face not giving away the slightest glimpse of what he's feeling. I give a quick wave to my friend before turning to Tara. "Do you want to go somewhere else? Or just back to the magic box? I'm sure Giles must have some food in there somewhere." "Why on earth would I mind having breakfast with my ex-girlfriend's ex- boyfriend?" The tears that she wants to shed are evident in her voice, but she manages to hold them in, while promptly walking over to Oz's table and sitting down. "Boy this is going well..." I end up saying out loud, I can't really believe how badly it's going, didn't even think it was possible to get this bad.  
  
"So, you staying in Sunnydale long?" It's the most awkward small talk ever. "No, I wasn't planning to stop at all, just thought a quick bite couldn't hurt." I can only imagine what this must be like for Oz, not only has Tara picked up a lot of Willows mannerisms, but Willows scent still comes of her in waves. I think he's picked the same method that I use to deal with the effect, focus on the fact that this girl makes Willow happy and ignore everything else. I don't need to imagine so much for Tara, the pain and grief are written across her face, and on more than one occasion she's angrily wiped away a tear that's managed to escape the iron clad control she seems to be displaying. "Where are you headed too?" "I was going to stay in LA for a few days, not sure where I'll head after that." "Could you do me a favour?" I go on to tell him about Angel, and about Linus. I feel better knowing I'll have someone who'll call me if things go wrong there, someone that Linus won't know about. With that sorted, I'm about to say goodbye and get Tara away from this cheer up plan from hell, but she starts speaking before I have the chance.  
  
"Could you tell me about you and Willow?" That certainly was not what I was expecting. Tara slowly explains what's been going on, and Oz starts to tell her about his time with Willow. If anything the tension between them seems to evaporate and I soon make an excuse to go up to the counter, giving them some privacy, or at least the appearance of privacy, my vampire hearing means that a still hear chunks of their conversation even though I'm trying not to listen.  
  
"You don't need to worry about Xander coming between you and Willow, once he's chosen you as a friend there's nothing that will make him betray that trust." I can't help but remember Cordelia, and how I betrayed her. How she looked lying unconscious with a metal spike sticking out of her stomach. I have a hard time believing that Oz actually means his words, but the tone of his voice says he does. I take another sip of coffee while my mind dwells on my relationship with Cordelia. My self recrimination is broken off when I hear Oz again.  
  
"Just remember, they've known each other pretty much their whole lives. If Xander says she loves you then she does, and if he say's she's working through stuff then you'll just have to trust him. Nobody knows her better." He's probably right, but how well do I really know her at the moment? I haven't spoken to her about her problems with Tara, haven't really spoken to her at all since I got back. I can't help but feel that I'm letting all my friends down, and I don't know how to make it up to them.  
  
So I've just had an hours training sessions with Giles which is meant to prepare me for this, he just looked at my sword and informed me that if I'm going to be swinging it around in battle then I should learn how to use it. I thought I'd been doing ok, but apparently not. So now Buffy is standing in front of me, sword in hand, with a grin that suggests I'm going to face everything short of actual limb loss.  
  
"You don't think we could start with rubber swords and sort of work our way up?" I say with a weak grin on my face. "Stop being such a baby." And with that she leaps forward, thrusting her sword towards my chest. I quickly bring my own sword up, pushing her blow away from my body. She quickly arcs round, bringing a swing in from my left now, and I manage to deflect that blow as well. I try to remember Giles training, to watch her movements for clues to her next move, but I find that she's too quick to do anything but react to the barrage of blows raining down on me. Our swords clash again, but this time she flicks her sword somehow, knocking mine from my hand, she then spins round and sticks her sword right through my chest. I look down at the hilt of her sword and back up at her 'I'm perfectly innocent' face.  
  
"Was that really necessary?"  
  
"Just trying to make a point." "That's really bad."  
  
A short rest and a sword removal later and I'm back. Once again fighting against pretty much impossible odds. A few week old vampire against a veteran vampire slayer. I mentally berate myself for paying more attention to her figure than her fighting style when I was alive. This time I'm more centred. As her sword dances around me I'm able to focus on how she leans into her attacks. How she prefers long swings over thrusts. How I can hear her hold and release her breath in time with her attacks, and how I can smell a change in her scent whenever she tries to trick me with a feint. Learning to incorporate my newly improved senses into the fight has definitely helped even the playing field a bit. I'm still very much the underdog, but I'm making Buffy work for it now. Her release of breath warns me of an upcoming swing, and I watch her muscles tense, allowing me to defend while thinking ahead.  
  
"So you think you're starting to get the hang of it?" "Maybe a little." She's actually trying to distract me now, I'm quite proud of my self. She appears to be about to swing from my right, but her scent tells me she's faking, I take a step back, giving myself some room and narrowly avoid a kick to the stomach. She's off balance now and has to turn her kick into a step forward, turning her back on me in order to bring her sword round in a wide swing. I quickly shove my shoulder into her back, keeping her off balance and bringing my own sword round to block. I wait a beat, letting her breath tell me when she's in the middle of a movement, before thrusting at her, forcing her to quickly bring her sword down to block. I manage to keep this up for a few seconds, but the cues that I've learnt from Buffy are less use when she's responding to my attacks.  
  
I only get the slightest warning of the thrust as she exhales; her back is currently to me but she turns almost around the sword with a blow thrust aimed at my chest. I manage to fall backwards, avoiding the sword, while placing my left hand on the ground and bringing my legs up around Buffy's sword arm, swinging her down to the ground while I stand, bringing my sword to point at her neck while my left foot rests lightly on her sword hand. I flash a quick grin before being tackled heavily from the side. Whoever's attacking me has me pinned to the ground and is punching me across the face repeatedly, they're strong too, I'm not going to be conscious much longer if this keeps up. I vamp out, putting all my might into throwing off the attacker. I manage to throw them off and I quickly jump up into a fighting stance, although blood is running into my eyes, effectively blinding me. I can hear a brief struggle across the room though.  
  
"Stop it." "But he was attacking you." "We were sparring" "But he's a vampire" "He's got a soul." "Bloody hell, I've only been gone a fortnight."  
  
Scooby meetings, something that have been missing from my life the past few weeks, it's not the same though, doughnuts tasted much better when I was alive, and Scooby meetings without doughnuts are just wrong. It seems like everyone is here, Giles and Spike sit across the table while Willow and Tara are to my left, Buffy's sat to my right, ignoring the chair Spike pulled out for her next to him. It seems some pretty weird stuff happened the night I died. An entire town in Arizona went nuts, when Giles heard about it he bribed spike into checking out what was going on. I don't know if he's exaggerating to impress Buffy, but what happened seems pretty weird even by our standards. When he got into town a huge tower had been built the main park, most of the inhabitants were milling around the base of the tower. Then a green glowing ball of energy formed, demons sprang up all over the place, some blond lady walks into the energy, then everything goes back to normal. Except the inhabitants; who apparently are still nuts. Spike stuck around for a week trying to find out what happened, but eventually came back empty handed.  
  
All our contacts say that Linus has left Sunnydale, so we don't have anything to do on that front either. So it seems that there's nothing to do but train and patrol until the next big bad comes along. And eventually Giles lets everybody go. Trouble is I know Linus is going to be back, and I know I can't let my friends go up against him. I've got to find a way to take him out myself. I can only think of one way to do that, which is why I take Tara aside before she leaves.  
  
"What's up?" "I was wondering if you could do me a favour." "Sure, what do you need?" "I need you to teach me some magic." "W-why?" Her face has fallen and I pull her a bit further away from the others, hushing my tone a lot. "Because I want to keep Willow and Buffy out of the fight when Linus next comes calling." "But..." "He's got the power to stop their hearts with a glance." Her mind seems to be made up instantly; she nods quickly and tells me she'll be back later tonight.  
  
I'm running with all my might, last month it would have been from something, tonight I'm chasing a vampire, the third one tonight whose run the moment he has laid eyes on me and Buffy. He's about to learn that running is pointless, especially when you've managed to go round in a circle and are about to run into the clearing where a certain slayer is waiting for me to return. I'm only about five seconds behind him, but when I reach the clearing he's already turning to dust.  
  
"What? Were you taking a leisurely jog after him?" "Just thought you might like to keep in the game, he'd be the first vampire you've actually staked tonight, wouldn't he?" "Well what's the point of the vampire best friend if you can't take it easy every now and again?" I've got a pretty big grin on my fast after the last comment, but Buffy seems to have fallen silent. "Thinking about Angel?" "No, just another vampire that I can't have." "Actually I'm pretty sure Spike's available" "Ewwww, just don't go there. Not even to joke." "Ok, not even to joke. Did you speak to Willow?" "Yeh, although I don't think I can tell you what she said, I think only Willow can do that." "That she's dumped Tara and thinks she's in love with me? Tara told me." "Or I guess Tara could tell you. I think you need to talk with her." "You too huh? Ok, I'll pop round after patrol." Buffy grabs my arm and turns me round to face her; she's looking into my eyes when she starts speaking again. "Do you know what you're going to say?" "No, but I've got to find some way to fix this." "So you're going to try and get her back with Tara?" "Of course." "Not, you know, ahh..." "Are you trying to ask if I'm in love with Willow?"  
  
Her eyes have filled with tears and she just stares at the ground. I quickly pull her into a hug as sobs wrack her body. I can't help but think how much easier things would be if I could just will myself to be in love with Buffy, but I realised a long time ago that my feelings for her had become the just friends kind. I hate not being able to do better, but I comfort my friend as best I can.  
  
"I know it's not how you want, but I do love you, and I always will. One day I know that you'll meet the perfect guy, and maybe he won't even be part of the legion of undead." "But how am I meant to meet guy's outside of work?" her voice is frail and choked while she makes the joke, but I feel better knowing she is able to. "Come on, let's get you home. We can't have any vampires saying that they saw the big bad slayer cry." And although her tears are still running I can see the hint of a grin as we head for her home. 


	11. Willow

Willow's been staying at her parents for the past few days. I guess the dorms remind her too much of Tara. I stand in the back garden, looking up at her French windows. I still don't know what to say, so I continue to wait. I think about the number of times I snuck round here when I was younger, when my parents fighting became too much, and how Willow would just talk to me and somehow everything just seemed better. Once again I wonder how I have managed to so badly affect my best friend's happiness. I know that Tara is the one for Willow; I feel it in my blood. And, eww, when did I start feeling things in my blood? Oh, right.  
  
With a leap I leave the ground and land outside her French doors. I tap lightly on the window pane; I know she won't be asleep yet. None of the scoobies have gone to sleep before 3am in years. It takes a few minutes for her to appear at the doors. She's in her pyjamas and I briefly wonder whether she actually had been in bed.  
  
"Hi. What are you doing here?" "I think we need to talk." "What about?" "You and Tara." "What's that got to do with you?" Her voice has risen a bit and she's tense. She's just got very defensive. Not that I can blame her. "Well Tara thinks it might have quite a bit to do with me." "You spoke to Tara?" In seconds she's gone from being angry to being upset. I quickly step inside and lead her over to the bed before sitting her down. "Yeh, I'm worried about you, and I'm worried about her. Willow, what's going on? Things seemed to be going really great for you two, then I get back and Tara says that you've broken up." Willows looking at her feet, and it doesn't look like she's going to answer me. "Tara thinks that you're in love with me. I think she's wrong, but I really need to hear what you think." "I, after you, you, just after. I thought about, all the things I used to imagine, when we were little. About how we would grow up, and, and have a family, and grow old. And you weren't there anymore. And I realised that I really wanted that, and I do. I love you." My friend's fingers are clutching my shirt as she cries into my chest. All I can do is stroke her hair as I whisper to her. "Shhh, it's ok. I know you love me. And I know you love me more than a friend. But I know you love Tara too, don't you?" Her only answer is a small nod against my chest. "You see the thing is. She's who you're meant to be with. I'm sure of it. And she's still got your heart. That's why you need to go make things right with her." "But what if you're wrong? Why do I feel this way if I'm not meant to be with you? It's not fair." "Heh, it's okay. Tell you what. If you come to me in a year, or in ten years, and you can honestly offer me your heart then I will gladly accept it. You'll always have mine." "Xander?" "Yeh?" "Please tell me this talk isn't making you hungry." "..." "Ewww." "I know. Look, please think about this ok? And maybe you could talk to Tara, because she's taking this really hard." 


	12. It's a kinda magic

The blade glides through the air. Swing, step, block, shift, thrust. I follow the movements taught to me by Giles earlier in the day. I will the movements to become part of me. The steps are meant to be both a practice and a method of inducing clarity, and I figure clarity is something I desperately need right now. I find it unbelievable that Willow is destroying her relationship with Tara over me. I mean, sure, I knew that she loved me, but I thought she realised the difference between those feelings and what she feels for Tara. Even though I'm not sure what that difference is, there is one, I can feel it. What with Buffy's actions I'd half convinced myself that this was another spell, but Tara certainly hasn't shown any interest in me, and a quick visit to the bronze laid that idea to rest.  
  
"Aaaaagh" Ok, nothing to worry about, I'm just suddenly hanging from my ankles in the middle of the room. A quick look at them shows that they're surrounded by green light. "Ugnh" Back on the floor now. A quick look towards the door shows Tara standing there looking so absolutely innocent that I wonder if maybe that isn't a spell too. I quickly stand and stalk towards her with my game face on, but she just starts to grin. "What's the point of this" I point to my fangs "if I can't scare up some respect?" "Sorry. Eeep?" "That's better. Here." "Um, a twinkie?" "Yeh, it occurs to me that nobody's taught you the correct way to eat one yet."  
  
"Ok, first thing you going to learn is to centre yourself." "Ok, so what do I do?" "Sit down there."  
  
"I can't do it." "You can." "I've been trying for over an hour" "So? It took me days to learn this. Anyway, I know you can do it, you've got lots of potential." "Really?" "Yeh, Willow thought so too." "Oh."  
  
"Am I really doing that?" "Yup." "You're not helping me?" "No." "Hello flying wooden death."  
  
"Walk you back?" "No, it's ok." "I insist, can't have one of my girls getting bit by a vampire." "Yours?" "Sorry, possessiveness issues. Ask Buffy." "S'ok, just don't to it again. I don't let boyfriends get away with it, why should you?" "You're gay." "Aaah; that explains it."  
  
"Nice room. Where's your roommate?" "She's never here. Well, except when she has a row with her boyfriend. That's why Willow was able to stay round here so much." "Ssssh, it's ok. Come here."  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?" "I-it's j-just that she's taken all her stuff back. There's nothing of hers here anymore. Her draws empty, it's like she was never here." "You're here, you're heart belongs to her, and eventually she's going to realise and come back for it."  
  
"Ok stop. I can't cope anymore." "What?" "What?! You've been talking about the advantages and disadvantages of drinking blood for 15 minutes." "Oh. Sorry. I always used to talk about food a lot. I guess that's kinda gross now." "That's ok, just, could we talk about something else?" "Um, so you play the cello?"  
  
"Ow" "What's the matter?" "The shaft of light that just hit me through the window. You realise that it's morning?" "Oh" "Do you know if this place has sewer access?" "Um, I think you need to go across the lobby to get there." "Ok, so where's that." "It's the big room full of east facing windows downstairs." "So your roommate hardly ever uses her bed?" 


	13. Best days of your life

I find the days blur together into a patchwork of training with Buffy, training with Tara, and patrolling. The only things that help separate them out in my mind are the moments of friendship I share with those around me.  
  
Tara playing the cello after we wake, then later her singing in the shower as she gets ready for the one lecture she hasn't missed. I ask her later if she's ever thought of joining a band. She just blushes deeply and mumbles.  
  
Buffy with her cold, I stop round before patrolling with a sandwich bag full of tomato soup. I'm pretty sure that with some practise she could dust vamps with that stare.  
  
My first locator spell, for a few hours we watched the light from a hundred or so happy souls as they moved around Sunnydale. Trying to work out what each of them was doing. It was sad to see so few, but I was overjoyed to see the two twinkling lights in the Magicbox.  
  
Coming into the Magicbox to find Buffy comforting Willow. She'd heard rumours that Tara was seeing some guy. I took comfort that Willow would be so affected by the news, before telling her that I would be able to smell the guy on Tara if she was. The next day I was overwhelmed the strength of perfume Buffy and Willow wore, I quietly gave them some intimate details of what I could still smell on them, and then promised I'd pretend I didn't know if they did.  
  
Starting to train Tara to defend herself in exchange for the magic training. The smile on her face would have been worth it alone, I've never seen her laugh so much.  
  
My first use of magic in the field. The vampire had clearly seen too many action movies while alive, he had a girl held by the throat and told us to drop the stakes and kick them over too him. The expression on his face was priceless as he turned to dust, leaving nothing but a floating stake. The girl lost consciousness at about the same time, so I let Buffy think that she'd done it, stating that I thought I'd seen her at the Wiccan bake stall once.  
  
Giles knowing exactly what to say when he saw Tara eating a twinkie in the patent Scooby method. "Congratulations Tara, welcome to the group." Then shaking her hand and looking at me. "I don't think even Cordelia or Oz ever got that honour." It's my turn to blush. "Strictly speaking neither did you." "I've told you, when you undergo the watcher initiation I'll undergo yours."  
  
Also later that day, when Buffy came to our research session and Giles showed her the twinkie wrapper and nodded to Tara. Buffy actually squealed as she pulled Tara into a hug.  
  
Then there was the awkwardness that came with refusing to go to the cinema with Buffy and Willow, without telling them it was because I was heading to the bronze with Tara. Plus there was the much greater awkwardness when a change of plan brought them to the Bronze.  
  
I spent the whole next day explaining my actions to Willow. How I didn't tell her about spending time with Tara because I didn't want it to look like I was picking one friend over the other in their break-up. She got quite angry then. "Since when have you and Tara been friends?" It got worse when in her short tirade she asked "is there anything else you want to tell me? Are you bestest buds with Oz too?" As my promise to never lie to Willow comes back to bite me in the arse. "If it's any help I'm getting on pretty well with Angel now too." We eventually made up, how could we not, and spent the rest of the day talking. The sad look in her eyes every time Tara was mentioned did not escape me though.  
  
Since then things between Tara seem to have gotten a little better.  
  
I got frustrated at my progress with my magic. I'm worried that it won't be enough to fight Linus, and I got angry. Tara told me the dangers of learning magic any other way. Horror stories of people who had become possessed by demons older than this world, or those who had become addicted to the magics, who have eventually lost themselves. I can't help but think of Willows first spell. I tell her my concerns and her face clouds over. Willow never told her how she came to practice magic.  
  
Buffy's annoyance when Giles is able to beat me in a training session when she couldn't. I tell her it's because I haven't worked out his tells. "I have tells?" "Only to a vampire." The rest of the day is spent trying to teach her to not fight in tune with her breathing, I have no idea how she can hide her scent cues though.  
  
I think Tara possible has the cutest smile of anyone on the planet short of Willow. She tried to teach me Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on her cello. I think her squeal and clapping when I eventually managed something approximating it will remain one of my all time favourite memories.  
  
Apparently Giles has worked out a way to affect Buffy's scent when fighting, something he called biofeedback. She beat me for the first time in a week.  
  
Tara did a spell she says will help with Linus, but she won't tell me how. She just made me promise that I would call her before I fought him, so that she could activate it.  
  
I meet Willow down the espresso pump. She uses magic to sweeten her latte, even though there's sugar on the table. Tara's warning flashes through my mind.  
  
Tara actually caused Giles to pop a lens from his glasses! We were sitting around researching the latest demon to come to Sunnydale. Buffy was talking about the good old days of Sunnydale High. "Just one of the girls weren't you Xan?" It doesn't hurt me like it did, but Buffy likes to tease me about it. Tara just winked at me, then put on a dreamy look and uttered a long, drawn out sigh. Buffy actually spat out her coffee while Giles polished his glasses so hard that the lens fell out. We were only able to keep straight faces for about 10 seconds before we both collapsed to the floor in a fit of laughter. 


	14. The End, Almost

The ringing is fairly insistent.  
  
Yup. Still going.  
  
The sun will be up in half an hour. Who the hell could be calling?  
  
Ok, almost to the phone. If they hang up I swear I will track them down and do things to them that would make Angelus grimace in sympathy.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
More ringing. This time I'm making the call. "Hello?" "Tara, it's me. I need you to activate that spell." "Ok, give me fifteen minutes." "Does it matter if I'm driving?" "No, that's fine." "What exactly will this do?" "Don't worry; it'll all make sense in about fifteen minutes." "Um, ok." "Be careful." "..." "At the very least, can you try not to get yourself killed?" "I'll try."  
  
I'm driving well over twice the speed limit. I'm probably not driving fast enough. The sun is just starting to break over the horizon. I can expect Tara's spell to be kicking in any minute now. I alternate my time between trying to work out what the spell will be, and what I can expect from Linus. I'm doing my best to work out a battle plan. So far the best plan I've developed is 'kick his arse'. I'm hoping to develop it a little before I arrive in LA.  
  
"Wow. There's just no way you can pull off biker gear in a jeep is there?"  
  
I blink slowly, before turning my head to the passenger seat.  
  
"Tara? You're looking a little, um, see-through." "That's because I'm still lying on my bed in Sunnydale." "You realize the entire point of the magic training was to avoid anyone getting killed by this guy." "So instead I should just go and let you get killed by him? Besides, the worst he could do to me while I'm astral projecting is give me a migraine, that's if he can even see me, which I doubt." "So what's the plan?" "I thought you were the big bad avenger? I figured that I'd cast, you'd fight, they'd die." "That's better than my plan." "Well sweetie, you can't be expected to be that pretty and still be smart."  
  
Warehouse. Different one though. Tara pops through the wall and tells me exactly where all the minions are. Angels shackled to the wall. Linus is in the midst of it all. And I already know that Wesley and Cordelia are in hospital. I chuck my leathers and helmet down as I leave the sunlight, draw my sword, take an unneeded breath and enter the fray.  
  
Tara's already cast a spell, seems to make me faster, not that I really need it. I'm probably little more than a blur to the first three vampires I dust. The third one was just starting to turn to face me as I beheaded him. I keep on running. There's another three vampires directly ahead of me. I place my foot on the chest of the centre one to slow down, while I use my other foot to give him a kick that snaps his head back. While my feet sail over my head I impale the vamps standing either side of me with my sword and stake. I take the head of the third just as my feet touch the ground. I'm already fighting another vamp before they turn to dust.  
  
The fight is really on, now that the other minions have noticed me. A group of ten pile onto me from all sides. I give into the weight, letting myself get pushed down, before forcing myself back up. The action pushes them away slightly, giving me room to swing my sword. I'm soon alone in a cloud of dust. The few remaining vamps are running at me now, and I bring up my sword in preparation.  
  
Bollocks.  
  
Can't move.  
  
I can hear Tara's already chanting a counter spell. But I may not have time, as I can see a fireball forming in Linus' hand. I close my eyes and try to reach out with my senses as Tara has taught me. I see the fire in my minds eye, and when it starts to fly towards me, I mentally reach out and stop it. I open my eyes. The ball is floating about 5 inches from my face, and the master vamp looks pissed. I can feel him adding more energy to the spell, so I have to act quickly. I close my eyes again, visualising all the remaining minions in the room, a golden line connecting them all to the ball of fire. Just as Linus releases more energy into the spell I release my hold on it. I open my eyes in time to see all the remaining vamps combust. If I could move I would smirk. I think he knows that.  
  
From my left I can hear Angel start to giggle manically, I don't have much time left. Angel's happiness is reaching dangerous levels, and Linus, well Linus doesn't seem to care much either way. I've only just noticed that there is something very wrong about this vampire. He doesn't seem to enjoy things. It's the one thing I've noticed about all vampires; they tend to be disturbingly happy. Joy in death, joy in destruction, in one case joy in talking stars. Linus just seems dead. He does not relish killing me, or defeating Angel. He seems to act because he feels he should, and because he has no other way to act. I can almost imagine the young Linus muttering a last curse upon himself, dooming the demon that inhabited him to an eternity without hope or joy.  
  
Suddenly the spells hold on me disappears. It takes all my willpower not to collapse like last time, but I still manage to drop my weapons. It's almost impossible to walk forwards, almost impossible to remain standing.  
  
The smell of humanity enters the warehouse and I know that I've got no time left. Someone has chosen the wrong time to go snooping and has made themselves a target. I need to make Linus dead now. As I step forward I go briefly to the white place, and I take the strength offered to me. My brow ridge protrudes as my canines extend. My nose flattens, my ears lengthen, and my mouth pushes forward. I leap as my torso extends and my legs deform. My talons swipe at him, removing his hands from his arms. My teeth press into his neck as I force him to the ground. I feel the snapping of vertebrae. And as I pull with all my strength, I hear the sucking sound of muscle being ripped apart. Soon my mouth is full of ash. Seconds afterwards I could swear I heard him thank me. I let the transformation go, and stand up while checking my clothing for rips.  
  
"Busted" I turn round to see what Tara's talking about. By the door to the warehouse, Buffy and Willow are standing, looking more than a little wide eyed. I guess Cordelia must have called them from the hospital. I don't have time to deal with them just yet, so I march towards Angel, trying to sense a soul on him. I don't know if that's even possible.  
  
"Xander, Xander, you need to stake me now, he did something, Angelus, I don't want to..." I jam my sword through his shoulder, I need his attention. "Maybe you should think about that." I pull the sword out and use it to cut the chains holding him to the wall. He collapses towards me and I catch him before he hits the ground. "But how?" "Think I should probably tell you later, we should probably persuade the girls that you're not evil first. Probably try to persuade them not to stake me while we're at it. They look pretty mad."  
  
I wasn't kidding about that either. As we walk towards them, I can see Buffy tensing up. She doesn't have a stake out, so she's probably just going to yell at me, possible kick my arse. Willow's standing a little bit behind her, and is looking a little shell shocked. I'm guessing she saw my transformation and subsequent, um, beheading I think I'll call it. Can't imagine what that must have looked like.  
  
"What the hell did you think you were doing?" Buffy's in self righteous mode. "Well I thought I was paying Angel here back." Not gonna say slay, makes things too easy for her. "What?" "What?" Even Willow looks surprised, although she doesn't voice it like the others. "Well he's saved my life a few times, it was the least I could do." That's taken the wind out of her sails. Hopefully we can just talk reasonably now. "Tried to kill you a few times as well." "Let's call it even then." I really don't have the energy to keep hating Angel, plus I'm quite enjoying confusing Buffy. I look back to her and can't help but let out a whelp of laughter. Buffy's standing there with her mouth slightly open with a look of surprise on her face. But just to her side, Tara is doing an impression of her, head tilted, mouth open, and tongue hanging out. "You think this is funny?" "Not even a little bit." I stifle another laugh at the finger antennae that have sprouted from Buffy's head. "Do you think you could try to be serious for a second? Why didn't you call us? And how did you know what was going on anyway?" "Bad Xander!" Tara's standing there waggling her finger at me. "Are you trying to make me look like a crazy person?" "You're the one talking to yourself." "Maybe it's an after effect of the spell, it looked pretty powerful." I could almost hug Angel for giving me that excuse. I would never have thought of it on my own. Just to emphasise the temporary insanity point I do hug Angel. "Ok, I think we better get him to Giles." So much for talking reasonably.  
  
"And that's when I, beheaded him." "You mean you ripped his head off with your teeth." "Yeh." Gotta love Buffy's way with words. I've been explaining everything for about half an hour. Ever since Giles pronounced me mentally fit. I've left out the details about Tara though, because I don't want to get her into trouble.  
  
"The part I'm not fully grasping is how you were able to break out of his spell." Giles is squeezing the bridge of his nose the way he always does when trying to work something out. "Oh that's easy, he didn't." Well so much for not telling them about Tara's part in things. "Um, sorry I'm not really following you." "I did, I did an astral projection spell to help with the magic stuff." "So it was you who deflected the fireball?" "No, that was Xander. I've been giving him magic lessons, he's quite good." I'm not really sure what's going on. Tara's acting a bit strangely, but judging by the expression on Willows face, I'm guessing this has something to do with their relationship. "Oh. So how did you know that he had..." "Oz told us." Definitely something to do with their relationship. I'd say Tara's looking for a fight. Although from the way Tara's been dealing with things, I'm guessing she just wants a chance to stand up for herself. In dealing with her feelings Willow hasn't really considered what Tara's going through, and Tara's just too insecure to tell her. But if there's one thing you can say about demon slaying, it really brings you out of yourself. I should know.  
  
Ok, I missed what happened, but Tara and Willow have left. I really need to stop getting lost in thought. It's not good. "There's just one more thing I'm not clear on. You said that Linus performed a spell to make Angel perfectly happy. So why does Angel still have his soul?" "Oh, I thought I told you guys about this. Um, you remember the spell that Willow found to restore his soul? Well it wasn't the one that was originally used. So it doesn't have the perfectly happy clause." I'm pretty sure I can see a smoke trail from where Buffy left, she moved that fast. Giles is just sitting with that far-away stare he gets when thinking of Jenny. I think I've probably done enough damage tonight. "I think I'll go to bed now." 


	15. Epilogue

The music is blaring as we dance at the bronze. It's been a week since I killed Linus, and things seem to have settled down. While Willow and Tara aren't official going out, they seem to be getting there. At the moment they're dancing face to face, and I doubt they'd notice a gang of vampire munching on the crowd unless one of the vamps got between them.  
  
As for Buffy, I have no idea what happened between her and Angel, except that she came back much happier. She say's that they just talked, and I couldn't sense any deception on her part. Whatever happened, I'm just glad that she seems to be happier for it.  
  
A slow song comes on and Buffy starts to put her arms round my neck, I start to back away but she just glares at me. "If we don't dance, how can we expect them to?" She nods indicating Willow and Tara. I nod in acknowledgement and she snakes her arms back round my neck. As we sway to the music I look over at my other two friends. I can't help but smile at the blissful expressions on their faces; an expression that's mirrored on Buffy's. So I make the most of this brief interval in the fight against evil and just enjoy the fact that I'm out dancing with my three best friends. After all, on the Hellmouth this is about as close to a happy ending as you can get. Right? 


End file.
